Vince Carter (photo. Mannion)

Ranking the NBA from first to worst…

1. Boston Celtics (61-15) — Doc Rivers held the KG, Pierce and Ray out against the Bobcats over the weekend, and his team still won by more than 20. The C’s probably have the weakest schedule of anyone in the League for the remaining six games: Milwaukee (twice), Washington, Atlanta, New York and New Jersey. It’ll be interesting to see how and when Doc plays his stars, especially when you consider that those decisions could play a hand in determining who Boston’s first-round opponent will be.

2. New Orleans Hornets (54-22) — If the Hornets secure the #1-seed in the West and end up facing some no-defense team like Denver in the first round, can you imagine the terror Chris Paul will unleash upon Anthony Carter and Chucky Atkins and whoever else the Nuggets will put on him? Which brings up a good question: If you’re George Karl, do you go with Allen Iverson on CP and leave him there alone?

3. Detroit Pistons (55-21) — Flip Saunders is also resting his starters here and there, giving us a good look at Rodney Stuckey, who could be this year’s Daniel Gibson. The rookie dropped 27 points on Minnesota and a team-high 19 on Miami last week as the Pistons extended their win streak to five straight games.

4. Los Angeles Lakers (53-24) — With Chris Paul gaining a lot of MVP momentum recently, do you think Kobe has another couple more 40-point games in him to put this thing away once and for all?

5. Utah Jazz (51-26) — Last Friday’s piecing of the Spurs was a good starting point for what will be the League’s toughest schedule to close out the regular season: New Orleans, Dallas, Denver, Houston and San Antonio. And three of those games are on the road, and you know how this team is away from Salt Lake. The X-factor during this run will be Mehmet Okur; if he’s hitting, the Jazz should be in good shape.

6. San Antonio Spurs (53-24) — You do realize the playoffs are right around the corner and Robert Horry still isn’t healthy, right? Big Shot’s left knee contusion is listed as day-to-day, but he hasn’t played since March 21, and even then he was only on the floor for two minutes. Even if he’s dragging that leg behind him, just having Horry on the floor in certain situations gives the Spurs a psychological edge.

7. Dallas Mavericks (48-29) — All those losses to playoff-caliber teams went out the window when the Mavs knocked off the Suns over the weekend. That was maybe the biggest statement win of any team in the League this year.

8. Phoenix Suns (51-26) — One more major hurdle to clear before the playoffs: Wednesday night, national TV, at San Antonio. Every one of these Suns/Spurs matchups is a checkpoint to gauge the Shaq trade.

9. Houston Rockets (52-25) — A friendly schedule (what else is new?) gave the Rockets a chance to run off three straight wins over three of the Western Conference’s fading squads in Portland, Seattle and the Clippers.

10. Orlando Magic (48-29) — We still can’t get over how Rashard Lewis got out of the way rather than trying to challenge Nate Robinson’s dunk the other night. Rashard must have considered the risk/reward factor: Is blocking one shot worth the risk of being stuck on YouTube and every NBA’s Greatest Dunks video until the end of time? Apparently not even $118 million is worth that kind of infamy.

11. Denver Nuggets (46-31) — If you’re a Denver fan, you should track down a DVD of the Memphis/Kansas national championship game and mail 13 copies out to George Karl and the Nuggets roster. Maybe then they’ll learn how to play some defense. They kind of have to draft Mario Chalmers on general principle, right?

12. Cleveland Cavaliers (42-35) — All eyes are on LeBron’s back. The spasms were an issue in losses to the Bulls and Magic last week, and the Cavs aren’t in position to let ‘Bron sit out with the Wizards right behind them for that all-important 4th-seed.

13. Golden State Warriors (46-31) — With his team fading fast, now would be a great time for Baron Davis to crank out a monster game or two. The Kings, Nuggets and Clippers are coming up on the schedule this week, so the opportunity is right there.

14. Washington Wizards (40-37) — The most trigger-happy “Big Three” in the NBA was back together for about 47 minutes and 50 seconds before Antawn Jamison went down with a shoulder injury. Jamison says he’ll be back for Wednesday’s national-TV game against the Celtics. Until then, make sure Caron Butler keeps his thumb away from backboards, and Gilbert Arenas keeps his knee away from Gerald Wallace.

15. Philadelphia 76ers (39-38) — The X-factor for the Sixers: Willie Green. In Philly wins, he’s shooting nearly 50 percent from the floor. In losses, 38 percent. He might have the worst jumper of any starting two-guard in the League, but Willie will have to go on a hot streak if the Sixers have any chance at advancing in the playoffs.

16. Atlanta Hawks (36-41) — Big summer ahead for the Hawks’ PR team. Even if they end up getting swept by the Celtics in the first round, a simple playoff appearance opens up the door for the franchise’s whole marketing mentality to change. The PR pros can play with all those “We’re a decent team now!” promotional strategies they’ve had on ice since Dikembe, Steve Smith and Mookie Blaylock were ballin’ in the A.

17. Portland Trail Blazers (38-39) — Over the weekend we caught The Perfect Score on TV. Remember when Darius Miles was bordering on mainstream celebrity status? Remember when he looked young enough to pass for a high school kid? Remember when he could pull off a windmill dunk without wincing? Remember when he managed to be the worst actor in a movie that featured the guy who played Shaggy in the Scooby-Doo live-action flick? Yeah…that was 2004. It wasn’t that long ago.

18. Toronto Raptors (38-39) — Rough stretch for Anthony Parker: last week Vince Carter gave him 32 points, Jason Richardson dropped 27 on him, and Joe Johnson posted a 28-point, 11-assist line, all in Toronto losses. At least lil’ sister Candace is doing her thing in the NCAA tournament and will be the #1 pick in the WNBA Draft on Wednesday.

19. Sacramento Kings (36-41) — After handing the Nuggets a crucial loss over the weekend, the NBA’s best spoiler has a chance to really hurt the Warriors playoff chances Tuesday night at Oracle Arena.

20. Indiana Pacers (33-44) — As far as getting value for your money, not many guys have been better than Travis Diener. Did you know he’s making $1.5 million this year? That’s like sock money for most starting point guards.

21. New Jersey Nets (32-45) — Since a lot of people have been officially dropping the “Dirk is soft” argument over the past week or so, can we give Vince Carter a little credit? With the Nets playoff hopes still flickering, Vince dropped 32 points on the Raptors with a bad ankle. And the previous game, which he missed because of the ankle, was only Carter’s sixth DNP of the season. That’s better than iron-man Kevin Garnett.

22. Chicago Bulls (30-46) — This summer’s most intriguing free agent story will be that of Luol Deng. On one hand you’ve got a 23-year-old athletic specimen who’s a proven playoff performer and is averaging 16.9 points and 6.5 rebounds this year. On the other hand, Deng isn’t a #1 option on a good team (in that regard he’s at least a notch below Andre Iguodala) and hasn’t done anything to really stand out this year or change what was a terrible situation in Chicago.

23. Charlotte Bobcats (29-48) — Leading up to Final Four weekend, ESPN Classic replayed some recent national championship games, during which we caught the UConn/Georgia Tech from ‘04 at the Dime office. Now, we’re not saying Emeka Okafor has been a disappointment as a pro (14 points, 10 boards and 2 blocks a game is pretty damn good), but didn’t you expect just a little bit more from the guy who dominated the NCAA back in ‘04?

24. Milwaukee Bucks (26-50) — Unless Yi Jianlian takes a big step forward in his development and Mo Williams finally “gets it” about how to play the point, the future isn’t looking bright in Milwaukee. The only significant salary coming off the books this summer is Jake Voskuhl, and besides, what big-name free agent is gonna go to Milwaukee if it’s not to go to a contender? They can only get better through drafting smartly and re-signing their own guys.

25. Los Angeles Clippers (23-54) — At the tail end of a season that resembled 500 yards of s***-smelling foulness you can’t even imagine (or maybe just don’t want to), Elton Brand’s return was kind of like Andy Dufresne emerging from the other end of that sewage pipe.

26. Memphis Grizzlies (21-56) — Mike Miller’s been kinda quiet all year, but he busted out for 34 points, 8 threes, 10 boards and 6 dimes against the Wolves on Sunday in the least-cared-about NBA game of 2008. Miller really needs to be on a good team. Can you imagine him lighting it up for the Rockets or taking Peja’s spot on the Hornets?

27. Seattle Supersonics (18-59) — Brutal schedule to close out a brutal season: Dallas (twice), Houston, San Antonio and Golden State. Kevin Durant and Jeff Green might wanna keep Sunday’s double-overtime win over the Nuggets on DVD; it could be the only thing that gets them through the summer without losing hope.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves (19-57) — DERRICK

29. New York Knicks (21-56) — ROSE

30. Miami Heat (13-64) — SWEEPSTAKES.