You Wanna Battle Me?
Lord of the Rings (photo. Chenoa Maxwell)By now you have to have seen or heard of Shaq (jokingly) ripping into Kobe on the mic at NYC’s Village Underground club. If not, check it out HERE. We know the die-hard Lakers/Kobe fans aren’t taking it too lightly, and a few other media outlets are taking it WAY too seriously (you might have heard Stephen A trying to diffuse the situation in between shilling his column and reminding us how tight he is with Shaq and Kobe), but we thought it was just a harmless bit of humor from one of the funniest dudes in the NBA. Some people are saying things like they’ve “lost a lot of respect” for Shaq after he went at not only Kobe, but also mentioned Patrick Ewing and Kareem. If you didn’t lose your respect for Shaq after THIS, what was different this time? Shaq’s always been a clown like that. Don’t read too much into the “battle” rap, although it obviously makes the next Suns/Lakers game that much more interesting … Speaking of shilling, Dime #42 is on sale now. Warning: We killed the comp on this one … While the world waits for Kobe’s response, he’s got some on-court business to worry about. KB24 was officially named to the U.S. Olympic team yesterday, headlining the 12-man roster that also includes LeBron, Carmelo, D-Wade, Dwight Howard, Jason Kidd, Chris Paul, Mike Redd, Tayshaun Prince, Chris Bosh, Deron Williams and Carlos Boozer. Probably the most questioned roster spot is the one belonging to Boozer that could have gone to a better rebounder/defender like Tyson Chandler, or the one belonging to Prince that could have gone to another spot-up shooter like Mike Miller. Overall, though, there’s not too much to complain about here. Only having three true big men becomes an issue if Dwight or Bosh gets hurt or winds up in foul trouble. Then again, it’s not like Team USA’s major problems in this ongoing gold-medal drought have come from international power forwards and centers beasting them in the paint … A good sign that the Nuggets aren’t trying to trade ‘Melo? They suspended him for the first two games of next season, punishment for his DUI arrest. This decision at least implies the team is looking at starting off the season with ‘Melo on board, but if he does get traded, would his new team feel obligated to honor that suspension? … Trade rumor that’s picking up steam: Jermaine O’Neal to Toronto for T.J. Ford and the Raptors’ 17th overall Draft pick. If J.O. is healthy (major “if”), that’s a GREAT deal for the Raps, who immediately get tougher defensively with one of the League’s premier shot-blockers and a proven low-post scorer who allows Bosh to step out and be more versatile when he wants to. A lineup of Jose Calderon, Anthony Parker, Jamario Moon/Andrea Bargnani, Bosh and J.O. is one that can do some things in the East. For the Pacers, they get some insurance for Jamaal Tinsley and a good pick in a solid draft class … Another trade rumor we told you about yesterday involves Josh Smith going to the Pistons. Good move for Detroit, who would get more athletic and improve at the 3/4 spot (Tayshaun would almost definitely be part of any trade with Atlanta) while remaining a force defensively. Not bad for Atlanta if in fact they were going to lose Josh to free agency anyway. At least now they could get a borderline All-Star back in Prince, someone with experience winning championships and going deep into the playoffs, which is good for Joe Johnson and the rest of the squad … So much has been said, written and filmed regarding Derrick Rose, Mike Beasley and the rest of the Draft’s Top-10 types, what about those late-20s or second-round guys everyone forgets about? Will someone like D.J. White, Serge Ibaka, J.J. Hickson, Chris Douglas-Roberts or Jamont Gordon step up and be the next big-time draft steal? Who is the next Ginobili/Tony Parker/Josh Howard? … We caught some of the 1996 draft on NBA TV yesterday; the year A.I. went first, Steph and Ray Allen went 4-5, and Kobe went 13th. Funny when Kobe was doing his post-pick interview and Craig Sager proudly presented him with a Hornets magazine that had then-coach Dave Cowens on the cover. “Read up and get to know your new coach!” Sager beamed. Kobe was probably thinking, “If you only knew, dude, I won’t be wearing this Hornets cap in 10 minutes.” And everyone talks about Samaki Walker‘s top-hat and white suit from this draft, but Erick Dampier got away with a “Hey Kool-Aid!” bright red joint, and Antoine Walker had the nerve to wear sunglasses inside. This was before Diddy made it cool, mind you … Another funny moment: Todd Fuller‘s family being noticeably uncomfortable in the green room while surrounded by the 87-deep Marbury clan … Ever heard of the Granny Basketball League? It’s an over-50 women’s league, and they just played their first national championship tournament at Minnesota’s Target Center over the weekend. The games are played by the original 1920s-era women’s rules — including “no running or jumping” — and the uniforms resemble the women’s unis of the 1920s, including long-sleeved blouses (you get a tech for showing any leg or upper arm). Some of the team names include the Great Dames, the Honey Bees, Hot Pink and the Late Bloomers. Also love the tagline, “Die with your tennies on!” … We’re out like NBA beef …
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June 24th, 2008 at 4:13 am
drewstar says:
shaq’s a clown. as is anyone who says first.
June 24th, 2008 at 4:53 am
the real marcus says:
i wonder who’s shaq’s ghost writer is, coz the way things seem, he can’t even make a good rhyme on some lazy beef…
June 24th, 2008 at 5:35 am
Wesley says:
Josh Smith to Detroit?? No way!
http://www.squidoo.com/JoshSmith
June 24th, 2008 at 5:42 am
Max Blapter says:
I couldn’t help thinking that Dampier looked EXACTLY like Suge Knight in his draft day suit.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:40 am
kb24! says:
Shaq’s FAT, and DONE. You don’t talk ish about a guy who just lost the NBA Finals..
June 24th, 2008 at 7:12 am
atom says:
Come on KB24 – I bet u were the first one talking smack about Nowitzki a couple of years back when his ass got handled by the Heat.
June 24th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Tbeezy says:
Why would Kobe talk shit about Dirk? That would basically be giving Shaq props for winning a title since it was his heat that beat dirk and the mavs. I don’t think Kobe was talking anything to hype up shaq.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:06 am
rangerjohn says:
shaq is so tired, will be real nice when he fades away. and while i dont care much for rap, i know enough to know that was pretty bad.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:20 am
Ross says:
I’m awaiting Kobe’s freestyle rap response.
June 24th, 2008 at 8:36 am
Truth says:
Shaq is wack fat and full of big macs and I know the suns wish they had shawn marion back wishen his fat a*s would pratice free throws instead of rap.
LOL!!!
June 24th, 2008 at 8:45 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
I hope you speak Italian then Ross.
there was just no reason to go there though. it was hilarious and I loved it, but why bring it back up? especially the, “I’m a horse, Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting divorced” line. That’s where it went beyond joking. As an American though, I love it. The only way Mamba would be more fired up is if Slava Medvedenko was manning the turn-tables. Sorry everyone, he “ain’t going 0-2 homie.”
June 24th, 2008 at 9:12 am
hahns says:
shaq is a douche.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:18 am
fallinup says:
When the day comes that the big diesel walks away from the game…the NBA will be minus one of the greatest entertainers and ambassadors ever. You folks with corncobs up the butts need to lighten up a little bit on Shaq. I’m sure even Kobe was laughin’ at some of that free style.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am
92021SpurMD says:
Why is NO ONE talking about Joey Dorsey?
June 24th, 2008 at 9:20 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
*I know it was probably SUPPOSED TO BE a joke and he’d almost definitely had 1 or 2 (or 20,) but the divorce line and the poking at Kobe probably crossed the line. Hopefully Kobe has a sense of humor so this “rivalry” between the 2 can stay where it’s been the last few years, just on the court, but something tells me Mamba’s not seeing it that way (and I couldn’t blame him.)
If Shaq had any real talent, he’d've mixed in a “hunting for little Mexican girls” line
I like Shaq and don’t like Kobe, but damn…
June 24th, 2008 at 9:25 am
doc says:
Shaq will beast your favorite center.He can talk all he want about Kobe because when they played together he was the beast.Why not shit on Patrick thats what he been doing to him his whole career.I love it because everybody hopped on Kobe dick then got assburns trying to hop off the bandwagon while it was going downhill when his ass was clamped like the bitch from men in tights.Kobe tell us how shaq ass taste.And while you at it tell Pau to tell us how KG,Kendrick,and PJ’s ass taste.And Phil,how Doc Rivers ass taste.Yall hate but that shit hilarious.He gave me the funny line of the summer.I like how the crowd got behind him.All the dudes hating on here woulda been in the crowd asking Kobe how shaq ass taste.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:28 am
doc says:
How did the divorce cross the line celts.It was HIS divorce.His bitch probaly was crying and said(insert i did it from watching you drug commercial voice) I cheated because Kobe said you cheated.The big fella is the man.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
*for the record too, I LOVED it. It made my day (and caused an addition to the name.) Just pointing out that it’s unnecessary. that fire was basically out and Shaq just dropped a whole batch of napalm on it (some really, really funny napalm.)
and yes, Joey Dorsey has the potential to be the sleeper of this year’s draft. A Ben Wallace clone, right down to the FT% and complete lack of an offensive game. CDR would be another guy I’d put up there, but his struggles from the stripe are VERY concerning for a 2 guard. Another guy I really like, more as a sub but a guy that could make an impact is Richard Roby. He was a projected lottery pick had he declared 3 years ago, now he’s barely in the draft. He couldn’t guard me with a gun, but dude’s jumper is nice. Another guy I really like is Donte Green. A top 20 pick is hardly a sleeper, but I think he can become one of the 5 best players in this draft in the right system (any running team would do really well to grab him)
June 24th, 2008 at 9:38 am
92021SpurMD says:
I think CDR will fix those issues, I kinda attribute his struggles to his coach’s obvious disregard for the importance of free throw shooting. Kinda like the Spurs used to be, even the supposedly good free throw shooters struggled.
I like this years draft, but next year will be good as well. Soon as Friday gets here, I declare the “Stephen Curry Sweepstakes” to begin! And let’s not forget about all of UNC!
June 24th, 2008 at 9:42 am
LakeShow84 says:
Hey Shaq how did Tim Duncans ass taste?? because that was the most one on one battle of the playoffs.. they didnt trade for pierce to guard Kobe.. So Shaq needs to get his ass in the gym and work on his free throws.. Getting beasted by a fundamentally sound 30+ year old.. man guard the pick and roll higher!
All i have to say is.. AT LEAST HE ISNT OUR HEADACHE ANYMORE.. have fun phoenix fans!! a $20million pancake..
June 24th, 2008 at 9:43 am
fallinup says:
Here’s to hoping Kobe DOESN’T respond.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MpzJgLzzX38
June 24th, 2008 at 9:44 am
Spliff 2 My Lou says:
Yeah why is nobody talking about joey dorsey? He could be a second round steal.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:49 am
E$ says:
I would luv to hear #24 when he gets to the Olympics & everyone is asking him “what do you think of the Shaq freestyle?!”
Shaq gets much respect, f*ck #24
June 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Big Freeze says:
Shaq is a legend. Fuck all you haters who can’t appreciate the value of entertainment.
A name no one is talking about is Marreese Speights. The kid is going to do some big things in the NBA, and you heard it heard first.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Austin Burton says:
Did we just have the catchiest song of the summer? I know people who are already trying to get “Kobe, tell me how my ass tastes” as their ringtone.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am
Big Daddy says:
I can’t wait till Shaq retires so we can watch him do NBA analysis… That would be entertainment ++ lol!
June 24th, 2008 at 10:16 am
rell says:
It’s funny how Shaq gets a free pass when he talk dirty on a former teammate. First Penny, then Kobe, then Ricky Davis. There was even rumors he started dissing Wade last year while he was on the bench. I guess next up it will be Amare or Nash. Now when Kobe do it he get attack. There no difference then the way Shaq act than the way Kobe act. Shaq only gets the pass because they think he is funny. Also that rap was not a freestyle. His homie on stage with him was reciting some of the lyrics with him.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Austin Burton says:
What did Shaq say about Ricky Davis?
June 24th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Big Daddy says:
When Shaq moved to Phoenix…
“I love playing for this coach and I love playing with these guys,” O’Neal told the Boston Globe. “We have professionals who know what to do. No one is asking me to play with Chris Quinn or Ricky Davis. I’m actually on a team again.”
June 24th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
@Rell, that’s all I’m saying (though not as much as you. Kobe’s absolutely deserved the bigger share of the blame.) I like the Big Fella, but the way he TRASHED Miami on his way out the door was classless (after they won a chip w/ him, the garbage that was left was gonna be inevitable. That’s what happens when you mortgage your future for a title. After that title, there’s nothing left.)
and Doc, “Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting divorced” is crossing the line. Dude’s blaming Kobe for his divorce. It’s funny as hell, don’t get me wrong, just saying there’s no way Kobe hears that and says, “Oh man, Shaq’s funny. That’s a great line.”
and AB, if you figure out where I can get that, let me know! Best rap Shaq’s ever done (which is like saying the classiest thing Paris Hilton’s ever done, but still…) I loved his statement after talking about clowning in freestyling, then dropping this gem, “Don’t forget, 6 records – 2 platinum, 2 gold.”
June 24th, 2008 at 10:27 am
doc says:
He should have said ricky Davis is a fucking bum.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:30 am
doc says:
I hear that Celts,but if I was Kobe I wouldnt like none of that shit.I can see Kobe walking around in some random mall or something with his security when 3 people just come out the blue with Kobe tell me how my ass taste.I hope I see him just to say that.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
exactly Doc! it’s all funny, just the divorce part that went beyond (god knows I don’t care, just calling it how I see it.) I just wish this had come out before the parade. Coulda got Shaq in a duck boat too, singing w/ the Big 3 while all of Boston yells, “Kobe, tell me how my @$$ tastes.” Missed opportunity
and yes, I’m sure he’ll hear, “Kobe, tell me how my @$$ tastes,” yelled at him over and over for the rest of his life. I think Shaq just won…
June 24th, 2008 at 10:38 am
YOUNGFED says:
Kobe should’ve ask that Colorado chick how her ass taste, after there little A2M session. lmao
June 24th, 2008 at 10:43 am
rell says:
I think Kobe will not respond but I guarantee he can’t wait till LA faces Phoenix. If I’m Kobe I got those 3 or 4 game circle on the calendar and I’m going to try my best to pull a Chamberlain atleast once. If he can hit 81, Phonenix is a perfect team to get a hundred against. The minimum I would average for the whole series is atleast 45. I wouldn’t blame Kobe for going for his those games.
June 24th, 2008 at 10:49 am
Austin Burton says:
If this means I have to hear Stu Scott and/or Mark Jones talk about rap, then I don’t like Shaq anymore.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:02 am
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
AB, we’re always stuck listening to that glass-eyed clown (try to) talk about rap. He’s just too busy making an ass outta himself for us to realize what he’s talking about. He’s probably gonna quote “Whoomp! There it is” on tonight’s Sportscenter. Booya…
btw, only 34 comments til a Colorado mention. that’s about 30 more than I thought.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:27 am
garbageman33 says:
Kobe should post a video of Shaq’s most heinous free throw attempts with a laugh track in the background. Just imagine. Two minutes of horrific looking free throws with a studio audience laughing and clapping. Game over. Kobe wins.
June 24th, 2008 at 11:43 am
BC says:
I’m eagerly waiting for another Shaq + Fu Schnickens collaboration…
and, maybe Kobe can work with Ron Artest on his response?
June 24th, 2008 at 12:06 pm
sans says:
I want to put a hit out on Stu Scott whenever he botches a Wu Tang rime. Shits nonsense–and what is up with Stu’s eye lately? It was never this lazy before.
Seriously, battle rapping is all fun and games, although me and my friends have swung on each other over some lines that went to far. That was more alcohol related than anything else. But Shaq really didn’t cross any lines, he spoke about himself, didn’t bring up Kobe’s wife, and only went for the obvious. And that was a freestyle, except homey on stage with Diesel knew that he would rime chillin with half a billion because he already did four times. Also, how was Shaq’s comment racist towards Yao? He was mimicking a badly dubbed kungfu flick–it was vaguely funny. People need to stop taking themselves so damn seriously.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
Austin Burton says:
@garbageman — I don’t think Shaq cares that much about free throws. He still makes $20 million a year and has 3 rings even though he can’t hit them, so he can always use that as a counter-point.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:36 pm
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
I’ll save everyone else the time point out the typo. AB meant 4 rings.
@Sans, Stu got his eye knocked out by an errant pass at a Jets mini camp or something a few years ago. It’s not lazy, it’s not even real! Booya
June 24th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
doc says:
Chad Pennington had to be good for something.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
wanted to share this too. SI has a draft how it’d shake out if every player in the league was available and they got to draft them in the order teams are drafting now (with everyone having their own picks, trades nullified. It ignores contracts/cap ramifications but does take age into account.) I completely disagree with some (Deron, Brandon Roy, and Durant are way too low) but it’s a good read.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/chris_mannix/06/24/fantasy.draft/index.html?eref=T1
June 24th, 2008 at 12:47 pm
what up says:
I think Stu’s eye is glass, which is a lot lazier than just lazy.
Shaq’s line about the “vasectomy, so now I don’t breed ‘em” is straight clowning.
June 24th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
word says:
when i seen that shaq rap yesterday i almost died for real the dude said he got a visectomy lmao
and JO for TJ is a pointless deal one injured guy for a next
June 24th, 2008 at 1:02 pm
Austin Burton says:
@Celts Fan — Thanks for correcting that for me.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Dave says:
anyone who has dealt with Shaq on a personal level will attest to the fact that he is a great person….he takes care of kids wherever he goes, is active in the community, and doesn’t ask for positive press, he doesn’t really care what anyone thinks about him as long as he’s helping out in some capacity.
Kobe had to have done something pretty bad to Shaq to have him hold this kind of grudge, I just think it’s funny how you all judge him from knowing only a fraction of what kind of person he really is.
Shaq is the man! Not that I don’t respect Kobe’s game, but it’s obviously something personal that none of you haters on here understand, you just sit on your little pedestals and rip….and he frankly could give a rat’s ass about what you all say. He will go down in history as one of the greatest players in league history regardless.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Big Freeze says:
yo, that mock draft was fuckin garbage. Joe Johnson wasn’t even on that shit. what a fuckin joke.
June 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
what up says:
yo, this ‘girl’ could be a starter on the Miami Heat or Clippers – right now!
http://sports.espn.go.com/ncaa/recruiting/basketball/womens/news/story?id=3457538
June 24th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
jamesinva says:
HAHA these are the SAME laker fans who were all in LOVE with shaq not too many years ago. After he leaves for the heat, all you laker cry babies hate him and after hearing this rap your crying even more. FACE THE FACTS SHAQ IS RIGHT
June 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
jamesinva says:
Garbageman33 – a clip of shaq missing free throws and people clapping and laughing as a kobe comeback? How bout a response where shaq shows him shooting free throws where he misses then showing his championship HEAT ring? KOBE gets Owned and YOU get owned
June 24th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
K Dizzle says:
As a “diehard” and “bleeding purple and gold” Laker fan, I wanna cast my vote for not givin a phuck about the Shaq freestyle. I laughed a little but rhymin ‘me’ with ‘me’ 9 times ain’t really skills. I met Shaq a few times and like dude so he always gets a pass with me. If you thinkin Laker fans actually care about this, you reachin. I’m more excited about who we get in the draft and what’s happenin after the Bulls take Rose than I care about the Phoenix Suns center’s freestyle on youtube.
If Joey Dorsey falls to the last pick, i hope Kupchak picks him up
June 24th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
no problem AB, figured someone would get worked up about it and waste all our time…
June 24th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Celts Fan, "Kobe, Tell me how my @$$ tastes" says:
KDizzle, a guy like Dorsey is exactly what the Lakers need. He’d do what Ronny Turiaf did (hit the glass hard, get cheap putbacks, play D) up until they started counting on and needed him to do it…
June 24th, 2008 at 5:15 pm
word says:
http://www.zshare.net/audio/14147737cec53b72/
there it is yess
June 24th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Bron42 had springs before slamball says:
stu scott is the man, lets not forget that…
That aside, I think the shaq thing was funny and everyone hating on shaq like he hasn’t done enough is his career to bag on bums (ricky davis? come on now. The guys been on 7 teams for a reason) are crazy.And hes exactly right…Shaq left kobes side and won a ring, Kobe left shaqs side and had about 3 first round exits and then choked in the finals along with the rest of his squad.
I can see kobe storming around his house all pissed but not really doin anything. He should have another raja bell moment when interviewed..
JA: He kobe, how do you feel about shaq coming out of no where like that?
KB: wHo? I don’t know that kid.
ALl the kobe bandwagon jumpers wanna defend him like what shaq said wasnt tru…childish?yes…120% tru? yes… Even ripping the heat was childish but again, he was right..he went from winnin a ring with posey and wade to watchin chris quinn bring up the ball and ricky davis goin 2-16 every game. Also, pointing out duncan is kinda mute since duncan isn’t even the one who killed the suns. Manu and parker just once again shitted out nash and raja.
June 24th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Bron42 had springs before slamball says:
p.s: guess Gasol+ Odom never = Shaq
How long before kobe starts reaskin for a trade and sayin he needs better players.
June 24th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
K Dizzle says:
lol. They took away Shaq’s badge? This story gets more ridiculous by the minute