Shaq (photo. Chenoa Maxwell)Clearly, Chad Johnson’s only objective in changing his name to “Chad Ocho Cinco” was to get attention. It worked. All day in the Dime office we’ve been coming up with ridiculous things that some NBA players could put on the back of their jerseys if David Stern were to borrow from Vince McMahon’s XFL playboook. Some of our favorites:
Rasheed Wallace — “&%$@#&!”
Eddy Curry — “I [heart] Arby’s”
Jason Richardson — “Black Hole”
LeBron James — “King”
Yao Ming — “TRAINER!!”
Chris Andersen — “Birdman”
Joe Johnson — “….”
Joey Dorsey — “Senor Brolic”
Brian Scalabrine — “D-bag”
Chuck Hayes — “Don’t Foul Me”
Ben Gordon — “$$$$”
Daniel Gibson — “Boobie” (huge seller among 14-year-olds)
Tim Thomas — “Yawn”
Ricky Davis — “Buckets”
DJ Mbenga — “YouTube.com/DJMbengaPoster”
Rudy Gay — “Anything’s better than what I got”
Marko Jaric — (Picture of his fiancee)
Tony Parker — (Picture of his wife)
Robin Lopez — “Goofus”
Brook Lopez — “Gallant”
Shaquille O’Neal — The Big [fill in the blank]”
Ryan Bowen — “I’m surprised, too”
Danilo Gallinari — “Drowning in it”
Delonte West — (A dry-erase strip; he probably calls himself something different every day.)
Dwight Howard — “Superman”
Sam Dalembert — “The Dalembeast”
Shelden Williams — “Parker”
Related posts:
September 5th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
rob stewart says:
Yo I remember Goofus and Gallant from my old Highlights magazine when i was a kid. That’s hilariuos.
September 5th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Ayo says:
Shelden Williams — “Parker”?
thats will be just wrong if he ha to change his last name because his girl got more game than him
September 5th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
AY says:
why you gotta do sheldon williams like that; if anyone deserves that, it’s tony parker-longoria.
i was trying to match “crotch-grabber” with a player, but wasn’t sure whether if i should go with reggie evans or jason kidd.
September 5th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
isotope says:
LOL @ Sheldon Williams
Arenas: Agent Zero/Hibachi
Gerald Wallace: Crash!
Kobe: Most Loved/Hated
Mutombo: “Age is nothing but a number”
September 5th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
that's whats up says:
Charles Oakley: FUK U UP
September 5th, 2008 at 6:28 pm
David Brandon says:
Sam Cassell - 2 S’s, 2 L’s or Big Balls
Marquis Daniels - Weezy
Bobby Jackson - Paper Mache
Mark Blount - The Big 3.8
haha, that’s all i got right now…
September 5th, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Tha Boddy says:
Ray Allen- Jesus
Caron Butler - Tough Juice
Antawn Jamison -WDF
Kobe Bryant - MJ Shoulda Been My Dad
Carmelo Anthony - Picture of his fiancee
Josh Smith - Mr. Lipton Special
Shawn Bradley - Teabag/Mr.SportsCenter Highlight For All The Wrong Reasons
And I would like to make a correction to the DIME nickname for Brian Scalabrine it’s Dr.Douchebag to you!!!
September 5th, 2008 at 6:34 pm
Big Freeze says:
Eddie House - “Ridin Coattails”
September 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
gangsta of love says:
Damon Jones: “Please look at me!”
September 5th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
Three Stacks says:
Ahaha, seeing “Chad Ocho Cinco” on my fantasy football draft board was pretty hilarious.
Vince Carter - “Coastin’” or “One Gear”
Pau Gasol - “Pube Stasche”
Stephon Marbury - “Truck Party”
Shawn Kemp - “Daddy”
Manu Ginobili- “If you can read this, you’re close enough for me to flop”
September 5th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
dat dood says:
Andris Biedrins - L.A. Looks
Vlad Radmonivic - Spaceman
Paul Pierce - G.O.A.T. (haha)
Adam Morrison - peachfuzz
Chris Kaman - caveman (when he has long hair)
Pau Gasol - charmin
Special coaches addition:
Greg Popovic - jigsaw (tell me he doesn’t look like that old guy in the saw movies???)
September 5th, 2008 at 6:56 pm
A-Slam says:
Kobe Bryant-She loved it
September 5th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
A-Slam says:
or Kobe Bryant-”not guilty your honor”
September 5th, 2008 at 6:59 pm
Me says:
damn popovich does look like saw. Never thought about that. And what’s with Sam cassell ” two l’s or two s’s?”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:01 pm
A-Slam says:
Sam Cassell-”Burn Victim”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:03 pm
A-Slam says:
Mario Chalmers-”it’s not mine”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Joe says:
Carmelo Anthony - sucka punch
September 5th, 2008 at 7:09 pm
A-Slam says:
Frederic Weis-”Balls in my face”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
Joe says:
Carlos Boozer - what promise?…..in reference to the Cavs organization
September 5th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
Joe says:
Steve Nash - Canadian Playboy
September 5th, 2008 at 7:17 pm
A-Slam says:
Jason Kidd-”Joumana just walked into a door”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:22 pm
Dennis Castro says:
Corey Maggette - Papparazzi
Monta Ellis - Buckshot Shorty
September 5th, 2008 at 7:23 pm
sans says:
KG–Ticket
Amare–STAT
Steph–God’s Son
Rashard–Lucky (that there were no other FA’s the year I was free).
Derrik Rose–All Alone/By Myself (like Steph would write on his shoes in NJ, seriously, no one in the Bulls frontcourt is going to be able to convert his dimes unless there two inches from the hoop).
Beasley–Beastley/ B-easy
Zo–Slow
RonRon–Tru Warrior
AI–Answer
September 5th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Chaos says:
Damn thats messed up what you said about sheldon
Mutumbo: “Lozenge, please” / “Warning: sharp elbows are closer than they appear” / one of the 2D holograms with his finger waggin everytime he moves
Baron Davis: “Boom Dizzle”
Barkley: “U-R-N MY 5″
Prince: “Pterodactyl”
Glen Davis: “Big Baby”/”wide Load”
LEbron, Carmelo, D-Wade Olympic Jersey: “F*** L. Brown”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
jackass says:
damn dime this is one of the funniest post and comments ever to be posted on. props… lol
September 5th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
Chaos says:
Suns, Nuggets and Wizards jerseys: “Defense?”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:39 pm
A-Slam says:
Kobe Bryant-”Shaq your ass tastes bad”
September 5th, 2008 at 7:52 pm
Hoveys Home says:
Steve Francis- Cuttino’s #1
September 5th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
GEE..."Smokey you been eating corn?" says:
Tracy - Time out! I’m hurt!
Ak47 - It’s my birthday.
Kobe - I ***** hate Colorado
Ron Ron - Mr. Kick a fans a$$
Marbury - What IQ
Paul Pierce - Stabbed here… and here and here and…
J.R. Smith - Tatted up
Darrell Arthur - He Trade me
Wade - Divorce improved my play
Shaq - Divorce hurt mine
Deke - Throw dem bows!
Josh Howard - Smokey!
September 5th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
I Hustle says:
Rajon Rondo - “Take Advantage” (playing with 3 HOFs)
Darrell Arthur - “Shady”
Lebron James - “Top of the World”
Kobe Bryant - “Murder”
Greg Oden - “No Pressure”
Carmelo Anthony - “Who Took My Shotblocker?”
Allen Iverson - “Exiled”
Chris Bosh - “Crumple, Crumple” Like a jhericurl cap.(Is it me or did he get bitched in the paint all Olympics?)
Steve Nash - “Where’s Rondo”
Derrick Rose - “The City is Mine”
OJ Mayo - “Nirvana” (bye bye Memphis Grizzlies…hello Seatle Supersonics)
September 5th, 2008 at 7:55 pm
.K.i.n.G. says:
amaechi - Rudy’s last name
sorry i had to lol
September 5th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
Kobeef says:
Clearly Rasheed is the NBA’s Ocho Cinco.
Would anyone be surprised if his jersey was changed to “Sheed”
September 5th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Three Stacks says:
Hustle, Bosh most definitely did not get bitched in the paint in the Olympics. He was our best front court player, by far. By FAR.
September 5th, 2008 at 8:12 pm
A-Slam says:
lmao amaechi-Rudy’s last name. classic
September 5th, 2008 at 8:14 pm
A-Slam says:
Rudy-Gay
Carlos-Boozer
September 5th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
GEE..."Smokey you been eating corn?" says:
John Stockton - Short shorts
Karl Malone - I’m really white
Sloan - Pick and Roll
Mario Chalmers - Pick and Rollin
Horry - to Horry to win the game or rings
Kevin D - This jersey sucks
Kyle Korver - Sup Ladies
Shawn Kemp - He Got kids
Ronny Turiaf - Go Kobe!
D. Christie - But my wife said
George Karl - Coach?
A.I. - Practice?
Melo - Hit and Run
Kenyon - Tha Syndrome
K.G. - Scowl
Rip - Legal face mask
Sheed - Tech
LeBron - R.O.C.
DeShawn - Soulja Boy Tell em
D.J. Strawberry - love some fake titties
Jordan - Kobe who?
P.J. Brown - I will kill you
Antoine Walker - Krispy Kreme
Phil Jackson - Try(my) Angle
Vince Carter - Still Paid (F yall)
Richard J.- I’ll choke that a$$
Manu - Big Floppin
September 5th, 2008 at 8:19 pm
Homeless J says:
If they started allowing 3 numbers on a jersey, how long would it be before Josh Howard changed his to 420?
September 5th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
josh tha roc says:
Kaman - The Croc
September 5th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
JCarr says:
Jason Kidd- “My son has an abnormal head”
September 5th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
Chaos says:
Ray Allen: “Denzel my Dad”
Sam Cassell: “SC Phone Home”
Kyle Korver: “Ashton Who?”
Robert Horry: “I’m not Will Smith”
AC Green: “Virgin”
Tyrone Hill: “Virgin”
Tracy McGrady: “My Back!”/”i am awake!”
Andrei Kirilenko: “I. Drago”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
2 Easy says:
ahahahhahha this list of names is hilarious
Amare/Dwight - Move B*tch
Deron - Watch ur ankles
Kobe - Love me or hate me
Odom - KG take my wallet and leave me alone
Lebron - Jay-Z or Jordan, his idols
Melo - What is my team doin
AI - here we go again
KMart - Who needs knees?
Branden Roy - Mr.Nice Guy
Ray Allen - Shuttlesworth
Shaq - Kobe, Im still waitin on the answer
Nash - O no Im may have to play defense
Vince - Im Rich B*tch/ Laid Back
Bosh - Im Funny
Baron - Too EZ
Kirelenko - AK 47 (best nickname in sports)
Boozer - Booze, but dont boo me
Darko - I have a ring, really
KG - Most likely to kill on the court
Dikembe - WELCOME TO PHILADELPHIA!
Ray Gay - Im not Gay
September 5th, 2008 at 9:32 pm
A-Slam says:
Darrell Arthur-”was i suppose to drink the bongwater?”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
A-Slam says:
Jason Caffey-”wanna fuck?”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
Luigi says:
Gilbert Arenas…..”Agent”
VC….”Vinsanity”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
A-Slam says:
Vince Carter- “would be all amazing with 100% effort”
September 5th, 2008 at 9:47 pm
caeubona says:
rasheed - &*^$%# - that’s guaran-sheed
lebron - king james
daniel gibson - lebron!!
andrew bynum - hey kobe, you still want j-kidd?
melo - DUI
ai - practice? what practice?
dirk - choke…choke…
chris paul - i shoulda been mvp
david west - cp3!!!
tyson chandler - cp3!!!
shelden williams - mr candace parker
dwyane wade - i’m back
chris bosh - i need a catchy nickname
mutombo - who wants to sex mutombo?!
September 5th, 2008 at 10:30 pm
Luigi says:
VC…”still better than 95% players of the league with 75% effort”
September 5th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
heartbreaker85 says:
jason kidd - ‘my son’s got a big head’
monta ellis - ‘i aint a.i.’
kobe bryant - ’suck it bitch’
ak47 - ‘free pass’
t-mac - ‘injury prone’
wade - ‘drama queen’
shaq - ‘i pay for mine’
josh howard - ‘love weed’
melo - ‘punch and run’
a.i. - ‘trade me to a contender’
deke - ‘throwin’ elbows since 1955′
bosh - ‘im funnier than duncan’
stockton - ‘tighty whities’
turiaf - ‘fuck kobe, i just got paid’
redd/ginobli - ‘the shining’
darko - ‘i got a ring bitches’
vc - ‘ill play harder next time’
odom - ‘big pussy’
pau - ‘my face has pubic hair growin out of it’
nash - ‘you saw me breakdancin with dizzle?’
rip - ‘zorro’
sheed - ‘bleep this’
kwame - ‘throw it softly’
manu - ‘he hit me!’
malone - ‘guns’
mj - ‘i can still beat em punks 1 on 1′
manu/spurs fans - ‘is he hurt?’
suns fans - ‘fuck horry/stern/nba’
knicks fan - ‘fuck everything til 2010.’
lebron - ’show me the money’
ben gordon - ‘i want lebron money’
arenas - ‘i have lebron money’
marbury - ‘20 million for not sweating bitches’
pat riley - ‘backstabber’
d howard - ‘10% skills, 90% athleticism’
weis - ‘i STILL smell like vc’s nuts’
September 5th, 2008 at 11:07 pm
rodnets says:
Kobe “Good Teammate”
Mario Chalmers “I didnt do it”
Theo Rattlif “Expiring Contract”
Kwame Brown “Overrated”
Manu “Money”
KG “ET posibull”
Nocioni “Chapu”
Monta Ellis “Montacycle”
Kevin Love “Pornstar”
DJ Mbenga “Posterized”
Sam Cassell “ET Phone Home”
Gilbert Arenas “Nobody on a Team with good players”
This list could be endless
September 5th, 2008 at 11:17 pm
rodnets says:
Gilbert Arenas “Generouse Arenas use those 11 million to bring me stars”
September 5th, 2008 at 11:39 pm
paningit says:
Camby: “Mr. Glass”
Lebron: “King Kong”
Melo: “Junior Healy”
Eddie Curry: “Supersize Me!”
Josh Smith: “Skywalker”
September 5th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
Ansonious says:
Marc Gasol “Gieco Caveman”, Brian Scalabrine “Eminem’s my Hero”, Kobe Bryant “I’m not a Therapist”, Kwame Brown “Tradearific”, Ricky Davis “Have fun in the playoffs”, Lebron James “Sit your ass down Mom!”, J.J. Redick “Benchwarmer”, Kyle Korver “Kutcher Stunt Double”, Yao Ming “Nasty Nate’s Property”, Kevin Durant “This Jersey Sucks”, Delonte West “It’s a Birthmark”, Stephon Marbury “Overpaid”, Eddie Curry “Diet?”,
September 5th, 2008 at 11:51 pm
dat dood says:
deshawn stevenson - soulja boy
September 6th, 2008 at 1:16 am
slicrick says:
cannot top post #48, dang! hands down,!!! didnt 4get anyone!
September 6th, 2008 at 1:41 am
Ace says:
andrew bynum - bynumite
manu ginobli - sir flop a lot
September 6th, 2008 at 1:47 am
JDig says:
Sam Cassell “Phone Home” or “ET”
September 6th, 2008 at 2:38 am
Holladay says:
Carmelo Anthony - Melo
Lebron James - Bron Bron
Kobe Bryant - Mamba
Shaq - The Diesel
Paul Pierce - The Truth
J.J. Reddick - Master Splinter
Sheed Wallace - F. U.
Lamar Odom - Casper (he even got a head like him LOL!)
September 6th, 2008 at 3:41 am
solomon says:
Camby - “Glass”
McGrady - “Glassier”
Mutombo - “Ancient”
Kobe - “One Up”
Joe Johnson - “Silent Assasin”
Josh Smith - “S.W.A.T.”
Garnett - “Got One”
Ray Allen - “Got One Too”
Pierce - “Best Player”
Okafor - “Deflector”
J-Rich - “Gimme”
Gerald Wallace - “Suicide”
Gordon - “Dollars & Euros”
Nocioni - “Wolfsbane”
Deng - “British Hitman”
LeBron - “King”
Ilgauskas - “Z”
Dirk - “German Assasin”
Terry - “Jet”
Rip - “The Mask”
Sheed - “Nutcase”
Kirilenko - “Fido Dido”
Tayshaun - “Plasticman”
AI - “Crossover”
Melo - “Baltimore’s Finest”
Alston - “Skip”
Chuck Hayes - “Airballs”
Reggie Evans - “Balls”
Iggy - “Air Philly”
Baron Davis - “Beef”
Darko - “Dumars’ Boy”
Kwame - “MJ’s Boy”
Wade - “Kamikaze”
Cassell - “Species”
Jaric - “Loverboy”
Toine Walker - “Shimmy Shakes”
Reddick - “Use Me”
Boozer - “Dont Deal Me”
VC - “Air Softie”
Kidd - “_ason”
Dee Brown - “Deron’s BFF”
TJ Ford - “Spines”
Shaun Livingston - “Crumbles”
Chris Andersen - “High”
Josh Howard - “Higher”
Jamaal Tinsley - “Busted”
Stephen Jackson - “Goonie”
Artest - “Cuckoo Warrior”
D Howard - “Man Beast”
Duncan - “Big Bore”
Durant - “C3P0″
and
DJ Mbenga - “Poster, Anyone?”
September 6th, 2008 at 4:09 am
JHov says:
I know I’m late but my two cents..
B. Gordon: “F U pay me!”
G. Green: “Harold Miner II”
V. Carter: “Fragile do not drop”
Bruce Bowen: “Dirty MFer”
B. Scalabrine: “Human seat warmer”
T. Mac: “Mr. October” (not a good thing)
CP3: “I’ll be right back”
I could go on..
September 6th, 2008 at 4:27 am
that's whats up says:
DIME - THE COOL THING WOULD BE HAVING SOME OF THESE IN YOUR NEXT ISSUE. THESE ARE F.N. HILARIOUS!!!!
THE RIGHT THING WOULD BE NOT TO HAVE THEM IN YOUR NEXT ISSUE.
I’M TORN
September 6th, 2008 at 8:56 am
rodnets says:
chuck hayes “airball”
September 6th, 2008 at 10:48 am
it aint easy being green says:
sam cassell - e.t.
pj brown - hey pj why the long face?
shaq - the big ficus
ben gordon - winter coats
brian scalabrine - do you put names on a blazer?
t-mac - mr downsyndrome
antoine walker - nba’s biggest point guard
September 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
johnnyKILLroy says:
Kobe Bryant: NO MEANS YES
September 6th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
Luke says:
How about Aristotle on the back of Shaq’s jersey?
September 6th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
rodnets says:
jamaal tinsley “lost plate”
September 6th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
rodnets says:
ben wallace “offensive offensive”
September 6th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
M Intellect says:
Tim Duncan - I lost my Virginity when I was - (And we all know his jersey number)
Shaun Livingston - Wallace (Looks like the dude from The Wire)
September 6th, 2008 at 9:22 pm
florida Evans says:
most of those submissions weren’t even nicknames,more like short descriptions…Anyway ,here goes…
Tony Parker-T Pain
Sam Cassell-Area 51
Larry Brown-The Merovingian(his wife fine,too)
David Stern-The Architect
September 6th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
sweetv0mit says:
thats just wrong with shelden williams… it must suck for him that his wife is a major superstar… but he probably makes more than her anyway… who do u think will win one on one? haha
September 6th, 2008 at 10:38 pm
atom says:
Day late but hopefully not a dollar short:
Lebron - “Mo pointguard, Mo problem”
Reddick - “Best seat in the house”
Marbury- “Averaging 20 dimes and 15 assists since 2004”
Duncan - “I get bored watching me play too”
Patrick O’Bryant - “Bet u though I would be white, right?”
Scott Pollard - “Wake me when we win the chip”
Stephen Jackson- “I pray I don’t have 2 jump in the stands again 2 whoop that ass”
Carmello -“ Hey, I played defense once”
Sam Cassell - “ I am Sam”
Mutombo - “C is for Cookie”
Hedo - “It’s pronounced “Turkey-glue”
Vince Carter - “Remember when I used to dunk on people all the time? That was awesome.”
Boozer - “What, u won’t take my word on it?”
Shaq - “The Big-Over”
Ricky Davis - “Garbage time is my time to shine”
Pierce - “Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice”
J. Kidd - “It was a no look bounce pass to Juwana’s face”
Special Announcers Addition:
Walton- “ This is the most outstanding jersey in the history of western civilization”
Hubie Brown - “Legally dead for 10 years and counting”
Marv Albert - “ All right, I’ll bight”
Steven A. Smith - “Im funny because Im angry”
Barkley- “ One of these days I may correctly predict the outcome of a basketball game”
Walt Frazier - “Fantabuolous”
Tommy Heinsohn - “ I orgasm every time I award a Tommy Point”
Michelle Tofoya - “This is the game with the touchdowns, right?”
September 7th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Mark says:
All you guys giving nicks for announcers forgot Craig Sager. I’ll leave it up to you guys to inject some wit.