Smack / Nov 13, 2008 / 4:48 am

Mad Men

Rafer AlstonRafer Alston, Dime #34

Replace the key participants with some other players around the League, or replace the two teams altogether, and last night’s Rockets/Suns “brawl” could have been much, much worse. As it was, though — 78-pound Rafer Alston bucking up on Pharrell‘s roadie Matt Barnes, crash test dummy Steve Nash escalating the situation before T-Mac jumped in with his shoulder brace and ailing knee, and other not-so-notorious thugs like Yao and Barbosa in the mix — the incident ended up somewhere between one of those Major League Baseball stand-and-stares and an average night of being guarded by Bruce Bowen. We heard Ron Artest was gonna get involved, but the chip David Stern had implanted in 2004 activated and temporarily paralyzed him. (The same thing happened when Stephen Jackson was watching the fight on TV and started to jump up off the couch.) Put the blame on Barnes for this one. He went off on his own agenda in the middle of a play to go headhunting after Rafer and started the whole fracas … As for the game, the Rockets won convincingly as T-Mac broke out of his mini-slump with 27 points, Yao put up 17 and 15 boards, and for like the eighth game in a row we were more impressed with Aaron Brooks (19 pts) than Rafer … Shaq had 18 points, 13 boards and four blocks, and in the process passed John Havlicek for 10th all-time on the NBA career scoring list. Is it possible Shaq has been underappreciated all this time? One of our writers thinks so … Lakers/Hornets was hyped as a potential Western Conference Finals preview, but if that’s gonna be the case, Chris Paul and crew need to get their weight up before next spring. On the road, the Lakers came out of the gate looking like they were gonna rout: everyone was sticking threes, they always seemed to find the open man inside or out, Bynum and Gasol were outplaying Chandler and David West, and Vlad Radmanovic looked surprisingly competent for a few minutes. L.A. was working on a 20-piece meal in the first half, but of course CP (30 pts, 13 asts) led a rally; N.O. got to within three in the fourth quarter when Kobe — who we figured had something in store for James Posey — threw in the dagger on a three with about a minute left to essentially end it. “I just wanted to shoot it in his face,” Kobe (20 pts) said afterward … You think the Hornets might be going for the family-friendly PR angle? For the on-screen player intros, like the ones on Monday Night Football where the players say their name and their college, the Hornets starters said their names and then their parents’ names. For example, “David West, son of Harriet and Amos West.” Next time they’re gonna show a picture of each guy’s childhood pet … We’re feeling this Celtics/Hawks rivalry. The two rosters match up just right to make for close games, and there’s a clear air of hostility, established via Paul Pierce‘s dramatic reading from Colors and the KG/Zaza battle in last year’s playoffs. Last night it was more of the same — one time Garnett (25 pts, 12 rebs) got a dunk on Randolph Morris and was barking something nasty at the kid while Morris looked more confused than anything … Joe Johnson (28 pts, 7 asts) and Pierce (34 pts) traded big plays down the stretch, and after JJ dimed Marvin Williams for a go-ahead baseline jumper with seven ticks left, Doc called the “Get the Ball to Paul Pierce and Get the Hell Out the Way” play (so said KG in the post-game). Matched up on Al Horford, Pierce nailed a fadeaway J before the buzzer to win it …

Dwight HowardDwight Howard (photo. Mannion)

Dwight Howard got his first career triple-double (30 pts, 19 rebs, 10 blks) against the Thunder, while Robert Swift unveiled his new haircut (THANK YOU!) and his revolutionary “Stand There” defensive style. Seriously, the highlight reel consisted of Dwight dunking and Swift standing there watching … Another great Blazers finish, this time down in Miami. Portland was up four with less than a minute to go when Rudy Fernandez (25 pts) hit a sweet jumper from the top of the key after a spin move. When the cameras showed Portland’s bench after the ensuing timeout, Joel Przybilla was looking like an overgrown Ralphie from A Christmas Story, a silly grin plastered on his face while he eyed Rudy like he was The Lamp … On the next possession D-Wade (36 pts, 8 asts) blew past Travis Outlaw and dunked on both he and LaMarcus Aldridge with two hands (Mark Jones went a little corny/overboard on the call: “He took him to the spa! He’s giving him Noxzema! That was a FACIAL!”), but needing a stop on the Blazers’ next trip, the Heat let Steve Blake get open in the corner for the dagger three. Did you notice how on that Portland possession the clock seemed to be moving real slow? It even stopped for a beat at the exact 20-second mark … Avery Johnson put it best about Greg Oden‘s game: “[Portland] has to consider this a win. Greg Oden played 16 minutes and didn’t get hurt.” And he wasn’t even trying to be funny … Jones described Mark Blount as “a good pick-and-pop” player, which is a nice way of saying he avoids the paint like Dick Vitale avoids quiet places. Blount was jacking every time he got the ball, which included taking some threes. He’s like a less-likable and less-interesting version of Rasheed … Congrats to the Wizards on their first win, which they got home against the Jazz. Caron and Jamison did their thing, but we were real impressed with JaVale McGee. The rookie’s arms are like nine feet long and he was trying to dunk or swat every ball that got within his reach. He’s possibly already better than Andray Blatche … We’ll give Tim Duncan three more games before he says “F*** it” and takes those kids on his team from the adidas commercial onto the court with him instead of what he’s got to work with in San Antonio. While Duncan was busy giving the Bucks 24 points, the other starters — Roger Mason, George Hill, Oberto and Udoka — COMBINED to score 14 points. Fourteen. Combined. Did we mention they were playing the Bucks? It’s to the point where some guy named Anthony Tolliver was getting major minutes for the Spurs. We cannot stress how awful it was. San Antone would be better off bringing Avery, Sean Elliott, Vinny Del Negro, The Admiral and those guys back until Tony Parker and Manu get healthy. What’s Iceman up to, anyway? … We’re out like Barnes for a few games …

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  • Supremeng

    longest smack ever.

  • KB24

    “I just wanted to shoot it in his face,” Kobe (20 pts) said afterward …


  • http://www.kikaayacollegeschool.net smity far away

    i liked how yao just got pushed for being there (by shaq) that was funny. i was surprised that mcgrady pushed steve so hard and that shaq then pushed tracy so hard. there was a lot of pushing.

    did you all see tracy look at barnes as he pushed rafer like, “daaammn, wtf?” and then go on to shoot the ball, pose for the shot and then make his way back into the altercation. that was funny. i wonder what would have happened had he just dropped the ball right then and went to intervene.

    barnes didnt even want to fight…he just wanted to look skip in the eye…

    mcgrady caught bobby jackson flashbacks…

    mark blount is terrible…

    and lastly, how would people react if tim duncan suddenly demands a trade tomorrow? That would be crazy…I don’t know how they expect to win any games now…especially if their getting beat by a micheal redd-less bucks team…

  • Benoit Benjamin

    The block of Batum on d wade was amazing; the guy is gonna be the steal of the draft. Also, I can’t hold it any longer, JaVale in french means I swallow. Sorry had to.

  • BUDZ


  • Leoni

    First from Brazil.

  • Leoni

    ooops…im too lazy to post…my bad

  • Flying_Aussie_Dutchman

    A long smack.. Is a good smack

  • http://www.fiba.com/pages/eng/fc/even/rank/rankMen.asp rodnets

    There was a guy in miami bench that looked extactly like Dr Nick Riviera from the Simpsons.


  • http://www.kikaayacollegeschool.net smity far away

    Dr. Nick is crazy as hell

  • de

    “Supremeng says:

    longest smack ever.”
    Tired of reding, don’t you?

  • http://www.peterrobertcasey.com Peter Robert Casey

    Who typed up Smack early this morning? They were on a roll and a rant.

  • Haqq

    Long story short, DONT FUCK WITH T-MAC.

  • Ashlov

    Someone buy Jon Barry a shoehorn, so he can shove the Blazers’ collective cocks even deeper down his throat. I’ve never heard such blatant bias throughout an entire game.

  • it ain’t easy being green

    mark blount is the worst thing to ever happen to basketball

  • http://www.kikaayacollegeschool.net smity far away

    @ Haqq

    is that what we’re supposed to take away from what the smack said or is that what we’re supposed to take away from the incident itself?

    if i was in the league and had to pick a 6’8 star to fight with, it would probably be tmac, or peja…(but wait, is peja a star even…i mean, anymore?)

  • the_don_mega

    Hornets got served… the rally have to bring their A game next time against the Lakeshow…

  • s.bucketz

    no mention of shaq gettin his bouncer on tossing tmac then yao then a whole group of at least 8 people…ahah shaq is hillarious and thas y nothing escalated..trust if shaq was ther for the brawl at the palace it wooda been checked early…ohh yea and nice shout out on the christmas story…i cant wait for that all day marathon

  • http://www.alltexasforums.com rangerjohn

    ahhhhhhh SPURS! they where killing the bucks on D until the middle of the 3rd and it was all over from there. damn

  • Phileus

    I see the ’96/’97 season, when All-Star David Robinson gets injured, ruining the season and getting an already good team a fantastic player through the draft… Tim Duncan.

    I wonder who the Spurs will pick with #1 next year?

  • http://www.kikaayacollegeschool.net smity far away

    by the way, tyson chandler and dave west against pau and bynum????? um, new orleans needs to find some more big big men really fast somehow some way. Why didn’t ely play? and speaking of not playing…Quincy Douby and definately Kenny thomas have been buried alive…marcus williams must be plain old dead though.

    and i still don’t understand it. on one hand dude has talent and nellie is known to act funny. on the other hand he (williams) does already have a short track record so…if only he would have went to the knicks like the msg fans at the draft wanted….

  • that’s whats up

    Spurs got bucked in the ass.
    Ashlov can relate

  • http://afl.com.au josh tha roc

    i just opened that daily fantasy link and was about to pick up Stevie Franchise………..

  • parinaz suns

    nash was just takin out his frustration of the new offense on alston thats why he got involved… tmac standing over nash like that reminded me of kwame brown over diaw in the playoffs like 3 years ago.

    hate it when the suns games i can actually watch that air on espn/tnt suck like they did last night

  • Reno

    Nobody else thinks Skip was a punk for sneaking them lil punches in on Nash and not doing shit to Barnes!?! That was a bigger punk move than the Carmelo slap and moonwalk to half court at the Garden.

  • QQ

    Skip was always a punk. One of the few pros who was actually street bred, killing them cats in the asphalt. Barnes shoved dirt on him, no street cat would put up with that shit, Barnes should’ve known. “You hit me hard, Imma hit you HARDER” That’s how them cats do in the streets.

    TMac on the other hand, trying so hard to be ‘street gangsta’ on Nash, and failing miserably. Hey, Mcgrady, pushing a guy 7 inches shorter than you and donning your ‘angry face’ wouldn’t let people forget that you’re a pussy.

  • http://GEE2.com GEE…Brang it baaack!

    Houston up!

    . That wasn’t no fight more like a mosh pit, with Shaq pushing everyone.
    . That skirmmish was the most D I have seen Nash play ever.
    . Matt Barnes is a clown.
    . Just think what Atl would be like with a real coach.
    . It appeared to me like Atl should have had more time after Paul’s shot, it seems more than 0.5 should have been left (just GEE).
    . Lakers I can’t even say nothing bad, they are on it
    . Greg Oden didn’t get injured, lets all party!

  • Kevin

    good smack

  • Kermit the Washington

    GRRRRR! I brought this up in another post….but why the $#@% isn’t Garnett getting T’d up for this foolishness? Everyone’s like, “oh, he’s one of the best trash-talkers”, but this isn’t trash talking. This is straight taunting, chasing dude up and down the court barking something at him, wagging his finger, and all that. And as soon as the dude responds to it, the refs are like “HEY! WHOA there, easy fella!” What the…..

  • Dino Radja

    The appendix is the Mark Blount of the body.

  • steven

    Did the Knicks & Sixers play last night? C’mon you are based on the East Coast! When can we get Cassidy to give the Sixers some serious ink… there’s a lot to discuss.


    @post 25

    Not to mention Nash was on the floor trying to get up at the time… I wish Shaq had’ve got hold of Rafer

  • aj

    “We heard Ron Artest was gonna get involved, but the chip David Stern had implanted in 2004 activated and temporarily paralyzed him. (The same thing happened when Stephen Jackson was watching the fight on TV and started to jump up off the couch.)”

    Classic Dime. Keep that stuff coming!

  • heartbreaker85

    rafer is a pussy for not doing anything to barnes, but giving nash bitch jabs when the guy was off balance. same with tmac, trying to act tough and shit.

    shaq’s the man though, probably the reason why ron artest didnt do shit. no one wants to piss shaq off. you forgot what he ALMOST did to brad miller back in chi-town a few years back? yo DIME, you have to post that shit.

    and yeah, ronron was there too, probably kept that in mind.

  • http://mikenaretta.wordpress.com Mikey

    I didn’t see any of the Spurs-Bucks game. Can anyone answer this for me:

    Tim Duncan scored 20 points and had 5 boards. Andrew Bogut scored 10 points and grabbed 17 boards. How does Andrew Bogut get three times the rebounds that Duncan did?

  • mules

    @ Kermit
    Amen brother…Imagine how many times Rasheed would get T’d up for the same sh*t. Also, doesn’t that Celts W get a bit of an asterick seeing as ATL’s best defensive player (arguably) didn’t suit up?

  • http://GEE2.com GEE…Brang it baaack!

    Sorry but I love that KG foolishness. I think the game needs more intensity as long as no one is permanently injured. I say cut all that techs out and let dudes put their emotion into it. That is just me though.

    Even that mosh pit that happened in Houston was cool. I know some will be suspended, and Matt Barnes is a clown (again). Still in it’s proper place I don’t mind talking or taunting.

    People talk crap on here all the time, so should Dime start suspending certain people who post cause they get into it.

    Just sayin.

  • that’s whats up

    @ 35. Hustle

    Spurs look old as hell in the 4th quarters now. We need parker and manu or this is a low-level lottery team

  • that’s whats up

    if I had to do one of those Hornets intros it would be more like “(My Name), I’m not sure who my dad was but my momma kinda raised me until my grandmama raised me, then I walked out the house….”

  • isotope

    y’all tripping calling Rafer a punk. Like he didnt go after Barnes. He went right at him and thats how the whole thing started. Nash tried to sucker punch Rafer and thats why he got laid down.

    Did someone just say “you forgot what [Shaq] ALMOST did to brad miller back in chi-town a few years back? ” Brad Miller? For real? He supposed to get cred for what he ALMOST did to Brad Miller? LOL. What about what Barkley did to Shaq? Dude came out of nowhere and started shoving people in the back. They all like 7 inches or more shorter than him and it was unprovoked.

  • http://www.myspace.com/carli_borikua4life QuEsT???

    lmfao @ tim duncan saying fuck it and bringing the kids from the commercial

  • french

    knicks rout?

  • N-Truh-Kit

    “Ron Artest was gonna get involved, but the chip David Stern had implanted in 2004 activated and temporarily paralyzed him. (The same thing happened when Stephen Jackson was watching the fight on TV and started to jump up off the couch.)”

    i swear that made my day, i’ma be laughin at that for a good minute

  • Drink the Haterade (KB24 Chip 09)

    o what’s up with Posey getting suspended? During the scuffle with CP3 and Gasol

    “When Posey — who hadn’t even checked into the game yet — came off the bench to intervene”…

    Anyone who comes off the bench during an altercation gets suspended. Remember the Spurs and the Suns?

  • mules

    I’m actually with you on the trash talking point..let ‘em play. But if they are gonna have the rule on the books they gotta enforce it evenly.

  • jl90

    i thought jon barry was going to get out of his seat and marry rudy fernandez right there on the court. dude was oohing and aahing EVERYTHING rudy did.

  • jackass

    wow the season is already so good????

  • sans

    if the refs would have whistled Barnes right then and there for displacing Rafer, which is a pretty obvious fouls, nothing would have happened like that.

  • BEdger

    @jl90….were you watching the game? Rudy is an oohing and aahing magnet. I appreciate the Blazer hate though, it means we’re relevant again

  • rank

    if you think alston was a pussy, wait til you see this. Melo’s sucker punch was no good compared to this one..enjoy!


  • http://www.theverticalsummit.com VERTMAN

    The Tim Duncan reference was a great one! Hahahha!

  • rell


    I don’t think the Celts/Hawks game should have a asterick because Boston has been without Ray Allen the whole season. I can’t wait till he come back because I am tired of his replacement only shooting 27% from the 3 point line and only having 1 good game the whole season.

  • doc

    Yeah Gee,everybody mad at KG now but he been doing that shit for years.I guess when you’re winning it brings out the animosity.I know when he did that taunting shit in Minny he was everybody hero.And the Sixers bust the Raptors ass!

  • solomon

    a day late, but this smack’s gotta be one of the best…

    we’re out like brooks…

  • http://www.episodeguide.us/ Online Episodes

    good good…this article deserves nothing :( …hahaha just joking :P …nice story :P