NBA / Nov 27, 2008 / 1:00 pm

NBA Thanksgiving Comparisons

Dwight HowardDwight Howard will bring the stuffing

While Christian has compared NBA players with rappers, today I decided to compare them to the food traditionally served at Thanksgiving meals.

First and foremost, the turkey is the featured item on any Thanksgiving banquet table. Big, boisterous, and fulfilling from start to finish, the turkey is the King of the Feast. Throw in some stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie, and you’ve got yourself a Thanksgiving dinner.

Turkey – LeBron James
You gotta look at it this way: What’s Thanksgiving without turkey? If you were to wake up and LeBron James decided to stop playing basketball, the NBA might cease to exist. Between his 11-3 start and his 2010 destination, he’s the talk of the town and definitely the King of the Feast. As I said, to be the turkey you have to be big, boisterous, and fulfilling from start to finish. With the game on the line (other than Kobe or perhaps Paul Pierce) there’s no one I’d rather give the ball to.

Stuffing – Dwight Howard
If you checked Dwight Howard‘s birth certificate, it really could read Clark Kent. Superman is averaging a ridiculous 4.07 blocks per game and his opponents can tell you that they’re wary to bring the ball to the rim. The stuffing will be a plenty in Orlando all season long.

Mashed Potatoes – Zach Randolph
Just looking at the guy makes me think about mashed potatoes. He’s not the most athletic guy on the floor, and definitely not the leanest, but Z-Bo gets it done to the tune of 20.5 points and 12.5 rebounds a night.

Gravy – Chris Paul
When I think of gravy, I think of the smoothest guy on the court. A guy that is a great complementary player to guys like turkey and mashed potatoes. Put Chris Paul on your squad and he will not only get you shots where you want them (i.e. Tyson Chandler), but he’ll get you Ws as well. For a guy averaging 20.5 points and 12.2 assists, it’s all gravy.

Sweet Potatoes – Tayshaun Prince
Now if you’re gonna be sweet potatoes, you can’t be a star. Sure, there will be a couple guys that have you as their favorite dish on the table, but for the most part your game is slept on. You’re a constant, definitely a starter, but a No. 2 option at best and not even the best potato in the game. Keeping all of this in mind, Tayshaun Prince is a perfect fit. He’s dependable (hasn’t missed a game since his rookie year) and holds his own beneath the radar.

Cranberry Sauce – Robert Horry
A staple on any Thanksgiving table, cranberry sauce is often eaten in conjunction with turkey, and is rarely eaten or served in other contexts. This reminds me of Robert Horry. His jumper is sweet and you really will only see him play these days if his squad is in the playoffs.

Pumpkin Pie – Dwyane Wade
At the end of your meal, you really just want to sit back, relax and enjoy your dessert. For me, that’s Dwyane Wade. Named the Eastern Conference Player of the Week on Monday after he averaged 32.3 points, 9.7 assists, 4.3 rebounds and 3.3 blocks during a three-game stretch, Flash is back and putting on a show night in and night out.

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  • it ain’t easy being green

    eddy curry – the desert table

  • Big V

    Damn, green….beat me to it.

  • just a fan

    wow, dimemag must be really bored today. how about a comparison between nba players and fruits? or sneakers?

  • s.bucketz

    you got a lil man-crush on tayshaun prince there??callin him ur sweet potatoes nd all

  • http://www.nba.com Jay

    Sorry this article is pretty stupid.

  • CJ

    gotta agree with jay. i got hooked on your website cuz of smack, but some of these filler blogs are just lame. didn’t even bother reading the article, but i saw the title and i knew something had to be said. fo shame.

  • http://www.ballersnetwork.com/join QuEsT???

    i liked this article, it was original.

  • http://www.ballersnetwork.com/join QuEsT???

    im watching the titans game and i cant believe how can lendale white, who must weigh at least 280, run so fast…he looks like a mini lineman

  • Gerard

    Yeah, all in the spirit of the holidays! Happy Thanksgiving Dime

  • http://www.kikaayacollegeschool.net smity far away


  • j

    i loved this article, i want more dishes. stephon marbury is that crap your aunt brings, nobody knows what it is, nobody wants it, but you just can’t get rid of it, just like the knicks just can’t get rid of him. Jason kidd is the red wine, just gets better with age. pau gasol is the biscuits cause he is just so soft in the middle, but everybody still loves him. shaq is the eggnog, you want to get the most use out of it before it goes bad. The d league is the turkey broth, just made up from all the leftover crap. and last of all don nelson is the drunk uncle on the couch who passed out, because, well don nelson is probably drunk and passed out on his families couch

  • http://allthatjazzbasketball.blogspot.com/ Amar

    the southeast division: the kiddie table