You Be The Coach
Mike Brown, Cleveland Cavaliers
We’re all experts, right?
Along with donning your first team-specific hoodie or hat, making your first bet, and filling out your first office pool, an important rite of passage for any sports fan is the first time you think, “I could coach this team,” and actually believe yourself.
We all think we know what would make our favorite team better. It’s why some people follow the offseason transaction wire more closely than the actual on-court product. It’s why coaches on the pro and major college level only get a two or three-year window — or as it seems in the NFL these days, one year — to produce some wins before the vulture start circling and “For Sale” signs pop up on their front lawn. Fans start making noise, media makes louder noise, and eventually the GM’s and owners start listening, worried about losing their fan base if they don’t make a change.
Whether it’s a minor tweak in the rotation or a major overhaul in the system, NBA fans are only slightly less insane about it as NFL fans. In Orlando, everybody has an idea of how to get Dwight Howard the ball more often. In Chicago, everybody has a solution for how Vinny Del Negro can motivate his players to meet their potential. In Cleveland, everybody has an offensive playbook they’d like to slip into Mike Brown‘s jacket pocket. In Los Angeles, 8th-grade youth league coaches are probably submitting their resume in the off-chance Mike Dunleavy Sr. actually gets canned.
Going off the reality that you have to play with the cards you’re dealt, how would you coach your favorite team?
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January 6th, 2010 at 5:15 pm
ThaKing253 says:
Cleveland Cavaliers
I would actually coach the team instead of sitting on my ass all game letting Lebron go wild. I would ensure we keep big leads by making sure Lebron does not jack up deep 3′s all day.
January 6th, 2010 at 5:16 pm
sweetv0mit says:
run and gun full court press
January 6th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
Keith says:
Thunder
No way am I gonna even suggest anything. Job’s getting done brilliantly
January 6th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
isotope says:
What would I do as Rockets coach? Thought you’d never ask.
Make nice with and place TMac.
Put either Andersen, Landry, or Buddinger in the starting line-up.
Bench Chuck Hayes.
Hire a long distance shooting expert (i.e. Mark Price) to help the team’s shooting.
Stop pumping Brooks head making him think he’s the next Iverson.
Probably get fired before season’s end. lol
January 6th, 2010 at 5:35 pm
scotsman says:
Orlando Magic
Actually encourage people to drive to basket for the foul or the easy lay off to howard instead of driving it half way and kicking it outside.
Stop taking Matt Barnes out the games when he is the only one doing the above.
Watching them play the pacers the other night was one of the worst things ive ever seen.
January 6th, 2010 at 5:36 pm
LAKnights says:
Clippers
I’d go on vacation until Blake Griffin finally plays his first NBA minute, sometimes I think Dunleavy is already doing that
January 6th, 2010 at 5:58 pm
Drink the Haterade says:
What to do with the Lakers, well lets see I would keep the starting line up intact, give Odom starter minutes. Oh wait, thats what they are doing now and it works. oh yeah and you cant really replace Phil Jax, the man has 10 rings as a coach
January 6th, 2010 at 6:08 pm
jdstorm says:
Cavs are my 2nd team
Move Lebron to point. trade for another wing, then watch as many Showtime laker games as possible and copy everything they do on offense
January 6th, 2010 at 6:13 pm
Michorizo says:
Run -N- Gun is the way to go …of course without the gun…they are not allowed in NBA arenas.
January 6th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
BiG ShoT BoB says:
Warriors
First off I’m trading Monta Ellis for a big that can help down low. Maybe Tyrus Thomas since the bulls are looking to get rid off him and also looking for a scorer. And since I’m coaching the team we’ll do away with that small ball bullshit Nelson runs. My line-up looks something like this:
Biedrins
Thomas
Maggette
Morrow
Curry
Randolph – sixth man
Next order of business is our identity. So I’m gonna say were something like the Suns in meaning we run and gun. But while in half court were using back cuts and screens sort of a princeton style hybird where we also shoot alot of threes. On defense everyone plays stingy and if they don’t they sit on the bench. With this roster we should either be an 8th seed or miss the playoffs. Next year we trade tyrus thomas for a draft pick, plus the draft pick we get from missing the playoffs and we sign Chris Bosh. By Chris’ second year were contending for a chip.
January 6th, 2010 at 6:19 pm
BiG ShoT BoB says:
@jdstorm Except you don’t have anyone comapared to Kareem on the Cavs
January 6th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Austin Burton says:
Try to work with your current roster … no hypothetical trades. That’s the GM’s job.
January 6th, 2010 at 6:43 pm
jdstorm says:
@ big shot bob
Minor Details. mabye that shaq guy could pretend like he was, an old version. if not i heard eddy curry is on the trading block (lol)
January 6th, 2010 at 6:51 pm
jdstorm says:
@Austin
in my head it still works with the current roster, but im sure there must be someone better tha cavs could get for the worthy role than Parker or Moon
January 6th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Raj S says:
In basketball, you can only coach to a certain degree. A lot of the team’s success is dependant on the talent you have. I honestly believe that the worst coach in the NBA could have coached the 98 Lakers to the Western Conference finals. And no matter what, Rick Adelman is not going to take his Rockets very far in the playoffs.
And that’s one of the main reasons why I love basketball. It is the ultimate combination of individual brilliance engulfed into the concept of a team sport. Football and baseball are different. A team in those sports with no stars can still win the Super Bowl or World Series.
That said, there is no hope for my Nets. We suck.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
Luigi says:
My Wizards. The Wizards have a shooting guard..Gilbert Arenas!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0atoOfRqEB8
anyways how id coach the Wizards…
Start:
Gilbert.
Nick Young
Caron
Twan
Haywood
but if ur saying that right now. Arenas is out so heres how it goes
Earl 33 mins
Nick Young 30 mins
Caron 37 mins
Twan 36 mins
Haywood 28 mins
6th man- Blatche 20 mins
Foye 20 mins
Deshawn 10 mins
Javale 15 mins
Oberto – 8 mins
The rest Benchwarmers or guys who get in garbage time
anyways. Offense would be Halfcourt Set but if we get a chance atta fast break. we’ll take it. first open shot. post game is vital. 2-3 guys crash the boards if missed.. the other 2-3 sprint back for D.
Defense. tight man protecting the lane. if they can score 1 on 1 the whole game then theyre good. but lane integrity with tight man.
January 6th, 2010 at 7:52 pm
Orange says:
@Raj S 0:37-0:45
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MSPU9MPop-I
being a nets fan nowdays. v.v
January 6th, 2010 at 8:12 pm
Austin Burton says:
Until Granger gets healthy, the Pacers are probably better off going small and trying to out-gun teams like they’ve been doing. Moving without the ball and making the extra pass are crucial, almost like they’re a mid-major college team trying to upset a big dog. You can’t afford turnovers and guys who can’t shoot — which is why TJ Ford isn’t playing right now. If guys like Head and Dunleavy are hitting their shots, the team has a chance to win. Try to get Hibbert off early, and if he’s having a good day (like against Orlando), keep feeding him.
Jim O’Brien has a tough job with so many key guys sidelined right now. When the team is fully healthy, I’d implore Granger to not settle for so many jumpers and try to get buckets closer to the rim. And tell the PG’s to always look for Murphy around the arc.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:18 pm
nao_diga says:
Cleveland Cavaliers
I’d try to get Darnell Jackson some meaningful minutes on a regular basis.
Another big man who can defend (and his six fouls) might be a big help during the playoffs, but only if the guy has had some real playing time.
January 6th, 2010 at 8:19 pm
POPPI GEE says:
Nice report on Brooks for the upcoming issue and that office shot of Caron was cool too. Wade always trying to be GQ, I think dude has a secret desire to model lol.
Anyway on to the team.
Let Tracy get more minutes by taking some of Ariza’s and 1 or 2 from other players.
Starting line up is Brook, Lamar, Shane, Scola, Landry.
Have Chase, Ariza and others off the bench. Since Mike Harris just got waived as a coach I can suggest they bring me in a 7 footer from the D Leauge that is ballin I know they have 1 or 2.
Same offense pretty much and defense just changing the minutes and lineup. Playoffs and on here we come!
January 6th, 2010 at 8:24 pm
Pet Society Help says:
Washington Generals
When defending the bob and weave stick to zone defense and engage the ref to call technical fouls when a globetrotter pulls your shorts down when making a free throw.
January 6th, 2010 at 9:05 pm
12thMan says:
^ that’s great
Cavs…
Slide Lebron to the 4 a lot, give Moon more minutes, cut Boobie’s minutes (unless I like his hair that night)
Waive Anthony Parker, pick up Candace
And then start either
Mo
West
Lebron
hickson
Varejao
or
Mo
Lebron
Moon
Z
Shaq-a-Laq
depending on opposing team size
January 6th, 2010 at 9:23 pm
Tom says:
Raptors
1) Make sure Bosh gets a touch at the top of the key early in the possession on every possession that he’s on the court.
2) Use screens and back-door cuts to get guys moving towards the basket while Bosh has the ball.
3) Try to get my three-point shooters open in the corners, where Bosh can see them, as opposed to up top where he can’t if he’s facing the basket.
4) Teach Bosh to pass better.
5) Try out some more interesting lineups… I’d actually like to see if you could have Bosh, Bargnani, and Amir Johnson on the floor together at the same time. I think Bosh or Johnson are capable of defending opposing small forwards, and with Bosh at the top of the key, Bargnani in the corner, and Amir running around setting screens, I don’t think you need to worry about offensive spacing issues. It might work and it might not, but it would create some interesting matchup problems for our opponents.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:22 am
baron says:
I’m replacin’ Popovich.
I’m tryin’ like hell to trade ASAFP for some SIZE:
EXPENDABLES
Michael Finley, Matt Bonner, Roger Mason Jr, Richard Jefferson, Tiago Splitter (aka the next Luis Scola), for one of the following:
INQUIRIES
Marcus Camby
David Lee
Brook Lopez
Brendan Haywood, Dray Blatche, JaVale McGee
Andris Biedrins, Anthony Randolph
Andrew Bogut
Marc Gasol
Joakim Noah, Ty Thomas
Paul Millsap, AK47
Roy Hibbert, Troy Murphy, Jeff Foster
Nene, Kiki, Dudu
. . . . . .
Try to pry Raja Bell & Anthony Morrow from the idiot Warriors guys.
Check on Gerald Wallace and Caron Butler.
Throw everything but Timmy and Manu at a Chris Bosh deal and assimilate the new TWIN TOWERS!
January 7th, 2010 at 12:23 am
ThaKing253 says:
Not A Lakers Fan
But:
If I coached the Lakers I would definitely give Shannon Brown more minutes off the bench. He is a guaranteed spark, as a cavs fan I hate to see him check into the game because I know he can light it up
January 7th, 2010 at 1:45 am
RICK773 says:
Chicago,
My starting 5
Gibson
Deng
Noah
Hinrich
Rose (The current starting lineup about the only thing DEL Dumbass has done right)
I’d keep tyrus, miller and salmons for my energy players and some scoring off the bench and play Johnson and Pargo in spot minutes.
Most importantly I’d stop sitting my best player when he was hot and run plays for him in crunch time.
Part of the reason we slumped so bad when thomas was injured is because we only played 6 fuqin players like 43 minutes a game while perfectly healthy players who could’ve at least played 6-8 minutes a game could’ve at least gave them a breather
January 7th, 2010 at 3:01 am
the cynic says:
thankfully most of these terrible ideas will never be seen
January 7th, 2010 at 4:43 am
QQ says:
Magic.
I will hire someone named Stan Van Gundy, and let him do the job.
January 7th, 2010 at 9:29 am
karizmatic says:
My team is the Lakers, I wouldn’t change a thing about how they are being coached.
January 7th, 2010 at 10:31 am
Heckler says:
damn these ideas are horrible.
January 7th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Kevin K says:
You forgot MIKE WOODSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the 3 retards of the NBA coaches (not in particular order)…
1. Mike Brown
2. Mike Dunleavy
3. Mike Woodson
January 7th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Chaos says:
Washington Wizards:
Go get a pg to replace Gil or start randy and nick and see what happens.
Orlando:
Im all about spreading the floor but they got 3 guys that can drive to the bucket, not just drive and kick. vince, pietrus, and raw lew are athletic enough to go to the bucket. play barnes and bass on the floor at the same time as dwight. bass can play the high post and barnes ca hit an outside shot and drive and drive consistently.