NBA, Olympics / Feb 17, 2010 / 9:30 am

2010 Winter Olympics – Team NBA

“My enemies, they’re worried because I’m back. They’re afraid a little bit. … It’s a great feeling.”

I heard one of the world’s most dominant athletes deliver that line last night. Was it Tiger Woods? Kobe Bryant? Floyd Mayweather?

Nope. It was Russian figure skater Yevgeny Plushenko, the defending Olympic gold medalist who came out of retirement before these Vancouver Games and is sitting atop the leaderboard after Day 1 of the men’s competition. Say what you want about figure skating — and yeah, I watch it, just like I watch basically everything during the Winter and Summer Olympics — but Plushenko is badass.

So we know at least one figure skater has the same competitive fire of somebody like Kobe or Jordan. And we know every elite figure skater has to be extremely athletic. But could an NBA player succeed at figure skating? Both sports lend themselves to high levels of creativity, speed, grace, lower-body strength, balance, stamina, and knowledge of angles. You should be strong but not too bulky as a skater or a ballplayer, and ideally you’d have some hops.

There are a few NBA guys I could see doing well at figure skating. And while we’re here, let’s see how the League’s athletes would fit into some other Winter Olympic sports:

*** *** ***

FIGURE SKATING
Profile: Slender frame, strong legs, balance, grace, knows angles, body control, flexibility.
Team NBA: Devin Harris, Rajon Rondo, Tony Parker, Monta Ellis

ALPINE SKIING (DOWNHILL)
Profile: Changes directions at high speeds, ambidextrous, textbook footwork, fearless.
Team NBA: Derrick Rose, Brandon Jennings, Kobe Bryant, Steve Nash

BIATHLON
Profile: Endurance, shooting accuracy, calm under pressure, unwavering form despite fatigue.
Team NBA: Ray Allen, Dirk Nowitzki, Chauncey Billups, Steve Nash

SKI JUMPING
Profile: Reaches top-speed quickly, hang time, maintains form and concentration despite mid-air turbulence.
Team NBA: Dwyane Wade, LeBron James, Rodney Stuckey, Deron Williams

LONG-TRACK SPEED SKATING
Profile: Consistency over distance, height, proper form and fundamentals.
Team NBA: Tim Duncan, Kobe Bryant, Chris Bosh, Shane Battier

SHORT-TRACK SPEED SKATING
Profile: Strong legs, balance, excels at going right (pushing off left leg), gets away with dirty tricks in tight spaces.
Team NBA: Chris Paul, Kirk Hinrich, Jason Kidd, Earl Boykins

MOGULS SKIING
Profile: Quick jumper, change-of-direction ability, healthy knees, creativity, speed.
Team NBA: Shawn Marion, Josh Smith, Will Bynum, Shannon Brown

BOBSLED (2-MAN)
Profile: Unspoken bond, trust, timing, speed, strength.
Team NBA: Tony Parker/Tim Duncan, Jameer Nelson/Dwight Howard, Chris Paul/Tyson Chandler, Steve Nash/Amar’e Stoudemire

LUGE
Profile: Fearless.
Team NBA: Russell Westbrook, Allen Iverson, Jon Brockman, Jerryd Bayless

SKELETON
Profile: Crazy.
Team NBA: Nate Robinson, Ron Artest, Birdman Andersen, Joakim Noah

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  • http://uoregon.edu sans

    every four years I want to luge so bad, then completely forget about it…where the fuck am I going to go Luging?

  • mules

    best NBA figure skating prospect = John Amechi

  • hahns

    hahaha mules

    your figure skater attribute description deserved a pause

  • patrick

    nate is the only guy with a chance. none of these people are over 5’6

  • dagwaller

    I love this site hahaha

  • Shrink This

    I agree with Mules, but I think Amaechi could be an olympic double threat.

    Figure skating AND two man luge.

  • patrick

    Never mind. I just looked it up and some of these guys are a lot bigger than I thought. More black guys than I expected too.

  • bsteezy3

    A.B.–this is the kinda stuff you think about when you’re on that Kush LOL

  • http://tiny.cc/D5oJh Tex

    Who cares about Tiger? Elin should dump Tiger, and let him join Amway, along with his “girlfriends”, as Amway also screws anything that moves. Amway is a scam, and here’s why: Amway pays out as little money as they can get away with, so they support the higher level IBOs ripping off their downline via the tool scam.

    As a result, about 99% of IBOs operate at a net loss, while the top 1% make several TIMES more from their Amway tool scam than from the Amway products. This practice was outlawed in the UK in 2008.

    Read about it on my blog, I suggest you start here: http://tiny.cc/D5oJh and forward the information to everyone you know, so they don’t get scammed.

  • http://www.onthenet.biz Khalvin

    Umm yeah, so was there a bet to see who could creatively link the NBA to winter Olympics?

    Otherwise I am putting this in for unique article of the month.

    KHII

  • http://www.onthenet.biz Khalvin

    Sorry for more posting but AMWAY???

    Read my reaction to his post…
    http://www.onthenet.biz

    since i guess you just plug anything on this site. lolz

  • silky

    lol… yea plushenko is pretty funny. watched an interview of him after he set the olympic record in the short program; he said nonchalontly “it was ok but he felt like his muscles were sore, that he had lost 2 kg the past 2 dayss and he might go see doctor, then called out the others sayin if u can’t pull a quad jump, you shouldnt be in mens figure skating

    dude goes out boozing the night before, sets a record, then trashes. he’s like will ferrel in blades of glory

    i’m out like penny and amechi in the pairs competition

  • whatarewedoing?

    AB u’re a genius! Only you could think of something like this! hahahaha…u must bored quick A LOT! impressive list though. However, kobe cannot be in everything. How about showing my boy durant some love?