Smack / Sep 1, 2010 / 12:33 am

Defending world champions lose; Carmelo and Tyreke teammates?

Ricky Rubio, Dime #43

Our business is prone to over-exaggeration: It was the best dunk ever, the worst trade ever, the sickest pair of sneakers ever, etc. We have to grab your attention and we have to get advertisers and, well, that’s just how it goes. But taking away all hyperbole and being totally straight — the NBA TV announcer calling yesterday’s Spain/Lithuania and France/Canada games at the World Championship was the WORST ANNOUNCER IN THE HISTORY OF BASKETBALL … Seriously, what soccer game did they steal this guy from? We would have been better off with Moses Malone and Darryl Dawkins on the mic. Hedo Turkoglu by himself would have been an upgrade. Someday, in Sports Hell, it’s going to be that NBA TV dude calling the games, the “Boom Goes the Dynamite” kid handling the highlights, then Skip Bayless and Jim Rome arguing about it later … Too bad, because Spain/Lithuania was actually a very good game that The Worst Announcer Ever tried his hardest to ruin. Spain was up 11 going into the fourth quarter, but Lithuania’s Jonas Maciulus sparked the comeback with back-to-back steal/dunks, one of which he crammed two-handed on Rudy Fernandez‘s dome. It was tied up with 40 seconds left before Linas Kleiza (17 pts, more grizzled than you may remember) blew past Jorge “The Matador” Garbajosa for a too-easy layup to put Lithuania up two. Marc Gasol (18 pts, 8 rebs) got fouled with 19 seconds left, but he bricked both free throws while Pau sat somewhere shaking his head. Duke alum Marty Pocius split a pair of FT’s for Lithuania, J.C. Navarro (18 pts) made a pair for Spain, and Kleiza converted his to make it a three-point game with six seconds remaining. Raul Lopez ended up with the rock trying to go coast-to-coast, and right when somebody in the Dime office said, “He needs to give it up,” Lopez tried to and had his pass deflected. Game over … Ricky Rubio finished with 3 points on 1-of-7 shooting and 2 assists in 28 minutes … Meanwhile, The Worst Announcer Ever was busy breaking the record for most PAUSE comments in one day. “He totally swallows him up!” “He throws a delicious bounce pass!” “With the softest of touches!” In between dusting off crusty catchphrases like, “Goodness me!” and “He’ll take a heave-and-hope,” he was shouting almost the entire two hours. Once when it was tied at 66-apiece, he shrieked, “It’s Route 66! Sixes everywhere!” There was also the time he hyped one player’s defense with, “He guards people,” and during a tense moment in the fourth quarter: “He’s calling a play!” … Other WC games from Day 4: Renaldo Balkman had 10 points and 13 rebounds to lead Puerto Rico past China; Kirk Penney posted 26 points on Lebanon in New Zealand’s win; Timofey Mozgov (who might start for the Knicks this year) scored 19 in Russia’s win over Ivory Coast; “Turk Nowitzki” dropped 26 points and six threes in Turkey’s win over Greece; and Nic Batum put up 24 points, 7 boards and 3 steals to lead France over Canada, while Boris Diaw made us think France should never wear all-white again. He looked like Rick Ross at the Hamptons … Team USA was off after getting a scare from Brazil, but Kevin Durant and Co. are back today (12 p.m. EST) against Iran. Stay on DimeMag.com, as we’ll be covering it via live blog. You might not wanna miss the first five minutes of this one … Of all the trade/free agency rumors swirling yesterday, the Carmelo-to-Sacramento one actually wasn’t the most ridiculous. Although we doubt the Kings would give up important pieces of their future to get ‘Melo for one year guaranteed (would you trade DeMarcus Cousins for a ‘Melo rental?), they do have the young talent and draft picks Denver covets. And hey, C-Webb grew to like Sacramento, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad for ‘Melo … No, the craziest rumor was the one where the Spurs might sign Darius Miles. He is headed to San Antonio to work out, but do you really see the Spurs voluntarily adding D-Miles? That’s like Gucci Mane getting a guest appearance on “Family Matters” … We’re out like the heave-and-hope …

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  • Ben1en

    Super early smack

  • Ben1en

    oh and FIRST! haha i’ve always wanted to be it… VICTORY!

  • http://getyourishbusted.net Chicagorilla

    LMAO@ the announcer shots, man you guys are on your ish today!

    LMAO@ the Gucci man on Family Matter and Boris Diaw=Rick Ross in the white jersy.

    Damn you guys took the gloves on for this SMACK. That’s the way you always need to be.

    also, Melo to Sac-town….nah not feeling it. Melo and Lala would lose their minds. but if i was Sac-town hell yes I would give up Cousins(Walmart brand Eddy Curry) for a one year rental of Melo. Sac shouldn’t have picked the lazy bastard in the first place. He will be a great disappointment

  • oscarisalakerfan

    Haha the rick ross and “sports hell” comments were hi-larious!

  • sh!tfaced

    You forgot the “velvet touch” overkill…

  • bobbuy

    C-mon dime writers, I don’t want to OVER-EXAGGERATE your poor usage of English (in the very FIRST sentence, mind you). But seriously, that’s something you learn not to say in elementary school.

  • hotshot

    I’m surprised you didn’t mention James Toney as someone we would have been better off with as an announcer. Did anyone see his UFC pre fight interviews. They had to put captions on the screen. M-Fing CAPTIONS, for a guy who’s first language is English. I kind of feel bad for him though, hes already punch-drunk and in a couple of years he’ll be all out muhammed ali.

  • Phileus

    Can we take Rubio out of the “best young PGs in the world” conversation for now? I’m kind of getting tired of the “SURE HIS STATS ARE AWFUL BUT HE’S BETTER THAN RAJON RONDO RIGHT NOW” hyperbole that a lot of people like to throw around.

  • UncheckedAggression

    Wow Chicagorilla. I didn’t realize you were that big of a moron. I wouldn’t trade Cousins for your starting PG, dude. And Tyreke is already arguably better than Rose. Cousins has the chance to be one of the best players in the league, playing a position that is all-important when it comes to playoff success. Cousins for a pissed off Melo? Fuck that. Luckily Sac isn’t dumb enough to go for it.

  • Big Sia


  • Big Sia

    Gonna be at the game today… Haddadi for mayor

  • jimmyjack

    @bobbuy — I’m pretty sure you’re taught not to say “c-mon” in elementary school, but that didn’t stop you did it?

  • http://deleted dagwaller

    Before I go any further in the Smack, let me add Steven A. Smith to the worst crew of all time. Maybe as the “NBA Insider” type, whose sources are never, ever right.

  • http://www.playerassist.com/gw2/ guild wars 2 gold

    There was also the time he hyped one player’s defense with, “He guards people,” and during a tense moment in the fourth quarter: “He’s calling a play!”

  • alf (from melmak)

    @ dagwaller

    Minor correction. It is Stephen A. Smith. But I am with you on the guy. He is so bad that I now find him funny. How he got LeBron James going to Miami was just probably luck.

    @ Chicagorilla

    I agree with you too. Dime is at their best when they do not hold back punches.

    On DeMarcus Cousins, let the guy play a few games in the NBA before we pass judgment. Same with Ricky Rubio. They both could be special players.

    Top 100 reasons why Dime should hire me as one of its regular writers.

    56. If this was the NBA draft, I would be the number one draft pick that would be Dime’s building block for the future.

  • http://deleted dagwaller

    @ alf – I was going to check on that, but I thought it would be appropriate to just randomly cite things like the spelling of his name incorrectly haha! I’ll never forget how many times he told us that AI was definitely going somewhere, til he went to Denver…when, according to SAS, he definitely wasn’t going anywhere.

  • alf (from melmak)

    @ dagwaller

    Just to push it further. I would love to see Stephen A. Smith do one of the following:

    a. Join Survivor (And be scared out of his wits)
    b. Be a judge on American Idol (Ratings are on the slide. What is the worst that could happen?)
    c. Start a boxing promotion outfit (He would be perfect negotiating a big fight with Bob Arum or Oscar Dela Hoya. Welcome the next Don King.)

  • http://getyourishbusted.net Chicagorilla


    Well if you really think Cousins will be that good then i’m happy for you. Of course the disappointment you will feel once the season starts is going to be priceless. dude is a back up center in a out of shape PF’s body. It’s going to be great watching him fail. Funny thing is I have nothing personal against the dude himself…just the idiots who hype him up to be a great player. Especially when he possess the body of Marc Gasol, the attitude of Jerome James, and the game of Fransico Elson.

    As for not wanting my starting Pg, I assume you are talking about DRose. Of course you don’t want him, your team likes UNDERacheivers and Idiots who like racing 150mph down a busy highway. Have fun this season at the bottom of the West.

  • sh!tfaced

    Steven A Smith… LOL! You know what they say, even a broken clock will give you the correct time twice a day…

  • SJ

    NOTHING about Carmelo putting a smack ‘hit’ out on someone over twitter and having a police report filed against him?

  • The Journeyman

    LOL @ Post # 18

    That’s good man, real good

  • http://www.twitter.com/patmuldowney that’s what she

    Thank God there is an article on the internet dedicated to describing exactly how awful the play by play guy was. I was watching the game at work and am pretty sure I lost at least 3 friends for having the volume of that dude yapping his trap turned up.

    I feel like NBATV forgot to staff the event so just pulled some guy over from an office building next door and threw him in a voice over booth to call that game from ATL.

  • Jules

    What did I tell yall about Lithuania! Don’t sleep!



  • Sporty-j

    I think the Kings are that stupid to give up Demarcus Cousins for a 1 year rental of Melo. Weve got to remember guys. When we are talking about the Clippers, Wolves, Knicks, and etcs. Like Kevin Garnett said, “Anything is possible”. Theres a reason why those teams suck year in and year out and it has nothing to do with not being able to attract big time free agents to there citys because MONEY talks. A lot of these Owners and GMs dont know what they are doing and my little brother could put a team together better them most of them. They need to hire ballers off the streets that know the game and get these fake experts out of office that have never picked up a basketball in there life.

  • That’s What’s Up

    Darius “Frequent Flyer” Miles

  • That’s What’s Up

    It’s also funny how all these unemployed copywriters and editors are proofing a basketball blog.

    Please, can you proof the reader comments and provide your edits and feedback by COB today. douches

  • Mike “Patheti” Mihalow

    Dime tends to kiss most popular player’s asses, so you probably wont hear about it here. Now if it were Manu Ginobili threatening women, Aron would have at least 2 articles about it up by now.

  • http://getyourishbusted.net Chicagorilla


    Why are you trippin about Melo asking people to Smack a video vixen who is 10X worse than superhead? Who gives a ish. I’m sure they will get around to it as they always do.

  • control

    Mike Mihalow

    I don’t think manu would threaten a woman, she’d twitch in his direction and he’d flop…

  • Rizwan

    @ 26

    I don’t think you have to be qualified to proofread an article, just a good grasp of English should suffice

  • http://www.sactownroyalty.com Willis

    @ Sporty-J

    The Kings are only 4 years out of the playoffs, and they had a good 7 years of playoff success – being mentioned as championship contenders (and they would have won in 2001 if not for Bavetta and co.) Don’t act like Sac is a trash city either. hour away from everything… you got nevada desert, sierra mountains, SF shopping, santa cruz beaches, mendocino for weed and chico for partying. Sac is legit. Where as in NY and LA it takes an hour to get from one neighborhood to the next.


  • LakeShow84

    @ Willis

    Aye u need to come to the Bay for that cheeba..

    We got that kryptokonokonolite bruh lol

  • http://getyourishbusted.net Chicagorilla

    @lakeshow… Uhhh, hmmm, I don’t like budding into peoples biz. but I’m pretty sure selling weed over a blog site is not a good idea.