Welcome to Boston. Well, more like welcome to the Dime Lounge at the Coach ENew Terrance, a.k.a. Newman’s crib, for Opening Night of the new NBA season. Anticipation is high, Kenny Smith is already screaming 20 minutes before tip-off, Charles Barkley looks like he dropped a few sizes over the summer, and Ernie Johnson is back in his comfort zone after the debacle that was the MLB playoffs. Dime will be covering Celtics/Heat, Lakers/Rockets, and some of Suns/Blazers. Buckle up…

PRE-GAME
- Barkley’s first good line of the year: “We have a serious obesity problem in the Black community, and I was one of the fat-asses.”

- There’s been a growing swell of support for the Jazz amongst the Dime crew. They got some mention as possible Western Conference champs in our season predictions, and C-Webb and McHale‘s breakdown of how well Al Jefferson should fit into Utah’s system has me thinking they may be onto something. Honestly, though? I think the Lakers are too much into Utah’s heads. If anybody is taking L.A. down before the Finals, it’s San Antonio.

- Marv Albert, Fratello, and Steve Kerr are on the mic, with Craig Sager on the sideline. What were the circumstances leading to Chris Bosh getting the first official Sager interview of the new season? Were the others not available?

FIRST QUARTER
- Starting fives: Rondo, Ray, Pierce, KG and Shaq for Boston; Arroyo, Wade, LeBron, Bosh and Joel Anthony for Miami. Rondo is going without the headband, Shaq is going without the extra belly fat.

- LeBron hits the first bucket of the season on a pull-up J to beat the shot clock. His next J is short-armed, and Shaq misses his second bunny layup of the night. Kerr already declares Shaq has lost his explosiveness.

- Rondo gets Boston on the board with a layup, LeBron hits a baseline J to respond, and Rondo hits Shaq with an alley-oop. He’s not missing that one. I’m sitting in a room full of Celtics fans, and you’d think Shaq has been their dude for 10 years.

- “Does Bosh have a tapeworm? He looks like he weights 187 pounds.”

- Shaq brings the house down with a dunk and swings on the rim. (Technical.) I thought somebody was about to get hurt there. I like what Boston is doing: Get Shaq going early and potentially get Miami’s thin center corps in foul trouble. Boston is up 9-4 after LeBron misses the technical free throw.

- When did Hannah Storm start wearing stripper boots? That was weird. (Oh wait, I’m being told that we can’t talk bad about Hannah Storm.)

- Shaq is out, Big Baby is in. James Jones has replaced Arroyo. Rondo picks off a pass, but LeBron catches him and pins his layup against the glass.

- Spike Lee in the building, sitting right behind the Miami bench. What are the chances he shows up in Toronto for the Knicks’ season opener? Somewhere between zero and zero.

- D-Wade is understandably rusty. He’s 0-for-4 from the field and doesn’t have any flow to his game, like he’s forcing it. Wade bricks his first free throw and makes the second, bringing the Heat within 14-9. Next possession he makes a nice spin into the lane but gets called for a travel, then gets a seat on the bench. He has three turnovers.

- And so at the end of the first first quarter for the juggernaut Heat, they didn’t even crack double-digits. It’s 16-9, Boston.

- Miami’s offense is all 1-on-1 right now, whereas the Celtics are moving and cutting and Rondo is finding open guys with heat-seeking missiles. This looks exactly like what you’d expect from a team that plays together versus a team that is really playing together for the first time. And the Heat are shooting 4-for-17 from the field.

Rajon Rondo (photo. Christian Kozowyck)

SECOND QUARTER
- Erik Spoelstra takes the positive approach, praising Miami’s defense and chalking up the offensive problems to excitement. Fair enough. Eddie House, Wade, James Jones, Udonis Haslem and Bosh are on the court to start the quarter. Boston has Nate Robinson, Marquis Daniels, Pierce, Big Baby and J.O.

- Wade travels again on a move to the rim, and one of Miami’s assistant coaches gets called for a tech. Apparently assistants cannot talk to refs at all.

- Here I thought I’d avoided having to listen to Tommy Heinsohn, and Newman is griping about calls and non-calls almost as bad.

- Wade finally gets a field goal to drop on a transition layup, making it 21-13 Boston, but Pierce pushes the lead to 10 on his own fast-break layup. Nate then hits Marquis for an open layup, and Miami needs a timeout.

- OK, I’ve heard the word “gyrations” one too many times in relation to NBA head coaches. I don’t wanna ever have to imagine Stan Van Gundy and his gyrations.

- Wade uncorks a jumper that hits the side of the backboard, and Marquis’ pull-up in the lane and a Nate breakaway kinda-dunk extends Boston’s lead to 16. This is getting out of hand. Miami’s big debut is about to be the biggest flop since Canibus’ first album.

- This is just not Miami’s night. Haslem is missing his patented baseline J, Wade looks like a rookie, and Shaq is hitting free throws on the other end. Two minutes left in the half, Miami is up 19.

- LeBron gets his first dunk on a breakaway, making it 41-28 Boston. This is just as much a story of Boston’s defensive continuity as it is about Miami’s poor offense. They’re out of sorts, don’t have any rhythm, are getting bullied under the rim, and just aren’t putting the ball into the bucket.

- “How many pounds of sweat does Shaq lose during the game?”

- Rondo and Big Baby hook up on a misdirection screen-and-slip for a Baby layup to make it 45-30 at halftime. Two things: Cleveland fans are LOVING this, and will act like they won a championship if the Cavs win their first game while LeBron loses his first game. Only problem: The Cavs play this same Boston team.

HALFTIME
- One of our guys had a business meeting today with none other than Marty Conlon. When he started telling the story, half of us in the room thought he said “Mardy Collins,” which kicked off a bunch of confusion. And that’s the most anybody has ever talked about Mardy or Marty on an NBA opening night.

- Switch over to the Boise State/Louisiana Tech game. You’d think I’d be rooting for BSU since they’re in the Northwest, but I just can’t do it. I can’t even watch night games on their field because of the turf, and I don’t think they deserve such a high ranking when they don’t play anybody. Oregon State and Virginia Tech are fine, but if you wanna get respect, schedule Pac-10 and ACC games against USC and Florida State.

Dwyane Wade (Photo. Jeffery Salter)

THIRD QUARTER
- Good sign for Miami: They force Boston into a 24-second violation to open the second half. Wade then drives, draws a foul on Shaq and splits the free throws.

- Stagnant offense, lots of turnovers, poor free-throw shooting, a technical foul called against the bench … all viable evidence of a team that isn’t being coached right. Pat Riley might pull the SVG move and replace Spoelstra by Thursday.

- Textbook off-ball movement by Ray Allen leads to an open three, and Shaq makes it 51-34 at the line. The Heat are playing a little better offensively, but Boston is now picking apart their defense.

- E-mail from a Philly fan: “The biggest losers from tonight? The Philadelphia 76ers, who have to play Miami tomorrow night. We might lose by 40.”

- “WATCH THE CARRYING!” screamed from Miami’s bench while Rondo yo-yos the ball between his legs looking for an opening.

- Quietly, Miami pulls off a 7-0 run to cut the lead to 10. Loudly, Ray Allen knocks down a three to make it 13 again. Pierce is hurt, though. He’s holding his back and slumped on the Boston bench during a timeout. He goes back to the locker room and is having back spasms. Meanwhile, LeBron is slowly getting hot.

- The Heat are within six after a sick move by LeBron to get into the lane for a layup. Going into the fourth, we have a ballgame.

- “Newman’s whole body just went flaccid.”

Kevin Garnett, Dime #30

FOURTH QUARTER
- Doc Rivers is looking MAD greasy in the mid-game interview. He says the Celtics are allowing penetration, and shooting too quickly on the other end. If you hadn’t noticed, the Heat are playing better tonight when D-Wade is either out or not involved in the offense. Not saying Miami will be a better team without Wade, obviously, but they are tonight.

- Udonis’ hairline is creeping backwards. He’s not quite at Jerry Rice level yet, but it’s coming.

- Wade (on the court while LeBron is out) hits a runner, and it gets waved off for an offensive foul call. He can’t get anything going in his favor tonight. Rondo hits Big Baby for a dunk, but James Jones hits a three to make it 68-64.

- Pierce knocks down a three, and the lead is back up to nine. That was the bucket Boston needed to get the crowd back in it.

- Wade loses Rondo on a spin out of a post-up and lays it in, cutting the lead to seven, but KG hits a jumper on the other end. James Jones hits a corner three to make it 75-69 with 5:30 to play.

- Up by 11 after three Pierce free throws, KG misses a lob from Rondo and hits Baby for a baseline J. It’s a 13-point game, and the only Heat guys who showed up tonight are LeBron, Haslem and James Jones.

- Boston crowd chanting “Overrated!”

- Wade mixes up Ray with a nice move, but his fadeaway jumper hits the top of the backboard. This is like the preseason opener for him, but nobody will want to hear that as an excuse.

- A minute and a half to go, Boston leads by eight. This looks exactly like a Cavs/Celtics game from a year ago. LeBron has to do it all, while Wade is playing like a slightly more disciplined Delonte West and Bosh is a slightly less interesting Anderson Varejao.

- Maybe the biggest possession of the game: Boston up five with the ball after an 8-0 Miami run, and they get an offensive foul. LeBron immediately attacks the rim and lays it in high off the glass with two guys draped all over him, and Miami is within three.

- Ray hits a HUGE three with 50 seconds left, and we get our first shot of Ray’s mom. She would be the fourth-best player on the Heat tonight. And that shot may have been the dagger.

- Final score, 88-80 Celtics.

*** *** ***

HOUSTON ROCKETS at LOS ANGELES LAKERS

PRE-GAME
- This Lakers’ ring ceremony is like a private high school graduation. After the trainers, massage therapists, equipment managers and assistants were announced, Phil Jackson got his ring and introduced Luke Walton, who introduced Lamar Odom, who introduced Ron Artest, and so on. Of course the last two are Derek Fisher and Kobe, with Fish introducing Kobe.

FIRST QUARTER
- Houston is playing well and surprisingly up early. Website issues and a long trip back to Brooklyn means I’m outta here. Check out Smack in a couple hours …