NBA, Video, We Reminisce / Mar 15, 2011 / 2:00 pm

We Reminisce: Shawn Bradley Schools Michael Jordan

Go ahead. Make your jokes. Tell him he sucks. Laugh about T-Mac straddling him like a cowboy after dunking in his grill. Laugh about Space Jam. Say it was the highlight of his career. Forget about the 2,119 blocks. Forget that he always put himself in the way, even if it meant 20 or 30 posters. Death Stick don’t care.

Somewhere in Utah, there’s a man riding a custom chopper through the bucolic streets, completely at peace with the game of basketball. He doesn’t need your pity, and I’ll tell you why.

It happened a long time ago, back before Derrick Rose or Kirk Hinrich or Elton Brand had ever put on the red and black. You know the time.

On a cold winter night in Dirty Jersey, Death Stick had just watched his boys choke away a fourth quarter to Michael Jordan‘s Bulls. Something had to be done, and it wasn’t the kind of job for a guard. He would have to take matters into his own hands.

Shawn Bradley

Death Stick took the ball at the free throw line and his teammates melted away in fear. It was one man against the world now, a lone soldier driving into the teeth of a dynasty’s defense. He took off, bouffant hair rippling in the dead air of the gym.

Shawn Bradley

You think Bill Wennington was going to stop him? You think Ron Harper was going to step in front of that slow train of chalky Mormon ill as it knifed through the lane like a bad dream?

Shawn Bradley

MJ tried. The Alpha Bull was measuring him, waiting for Death Stick to unload on Kukoc. At the last second, MJ came swooping in from behind, trying to kill the beast with a forearm to the back of the head.

Shawn Bradley

Naw, son. Death Stick just brought the goods. And one.

Follow Dime on Twitter at @DimeMag.

Become a fan of Dime Magazine on Facebook HERE.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • RD$


  • George W Kush Sr


  • flegman

    Bradley = tremendous upside.

  • http://humanbullshit.wordpress.com APE

    If it was Dennis Rodman or the late Bison Dele instead of Kukoc, this would have been another Death Stick comedy.

  • SoulChorea

    wow. THIS is Bradley’s reason to hold his head up high? He dunked on Toni Kukoc, and MJ was in the background. Same with stinkin’ John Starks “dunking on Jordan” back in the day. MJ happens to be in the air and in the vicinity, you “dunked” on him? Getoutaheeeah….

  • SoulChorea

    Weakest “we reminisce” EVER!!

  • SoulChorea

    Oh wait…I get it….y’all were being funny. My bad…

  • http://www.dimemag.com panchitoooo

    that john starks left handed dunk was sick though

  • beiber newz

    bradley wulda survived and been an ALL STAR at the time chamberlain played.

    the difference between chamberlain and bradley, is that chamberlain was GREAT and it showed in his stats, records (streaks), and legendry.

  • beiber newz

    o yea and chamberlain was also black. … just kidding. folks. I’m half white. not really, actually not at all. but I’m not racist. just look at my name. BIEBER!!!!!!


    IN fact, i know a lot of white guys that say blacks just happen to be better athletes at basketball. not athletic athletes, athletes in the vein of being able to run up and down a court and play the game.

    but in a non racist question, is it conventional thought anyway that whites aren’t as good nowadays?

    u know with sportscenter airing white American b ball specials, and b ball NBA gm’s not trusting white American athletes? yea, they’ve been quoted as saying that.

  • http://www.livingcheapla.com hakasan

    while shawn bradley never ‘lived up’ to being a #2 draft pick, it’s not like the 93 draft was all that strong in the first place…. #1 was cwebb, #3 was penny, and you got fillers like moster mash, vin baker, cassel, van exel… not exactly a class heading for the hall of fame… to have played 11 seasons and avgs of 8+pt, 6+rb, and 2.5+ blocks is really not bad for a journeyman… that’s like kurt thomas numbers… i would have taken bradley over the kandiman anyday..

  • tb

    I love the captions!!

  • alex

    I really liked this piece. good job. to get blocks youre bound to get dunked on a bunch of times.

  • 808

    Shawn Bradley? Is this you writing this???

  • http://brokejumper.com/ brokejumper.com

    Bradley’s downfall was his metabolism, I remember reading the guy would eat a ton of food one week, eat more the next and end up losing 15 lbs.