The New Memphis Beat; Rajon Rondo Might Be An Alien

Z-Booooooooooooo. If you wanted to watch the story of Zach Randolph, just check out the tape of the Grizzlies come-from-behind 101-93 overtime win over Oklahoma City. He wrapped his entire basketball career up in one 53-minute autobiography, being selfish and disruptive early before redeeming himself late in ways no one thought possible. Oklahoma City led by 16 points in the third quarter and were on their way to a series lead. But Kevin Durant (22 points, 12 rebounds) and Russell Westbrook (23 points, 12 assists) started filming Episode VII of Star Wars and slowly let the Grizz inch closer and closer. Then in overtime, Memphis pushed the Thunder all over the court, ending the extra frame without any more drama … Randolph (21 points, 21 rebounds) was relatively quiet for the game’s first three quarters, but exploded down the stretch, controlling the interior. Before that, there was a major flashback in the first quarter: Randolph coming off the court and throwing a mini temper tantrum. Then, he got into it with KD in the second quarter. A frustrated Z-Bo is never a good thing. The old Blazer came out in him, and it made Memphis finally look like the eighth seed that they are. Randolph was so out of it that Lionel Hollins actually put in Hamed Haddadi. That wasn’t even the surprising part. Haddadi went in there and didn’t completely suck. He blocked shots, he made free throws; we thought we were watching a real-life, viable NBA player. He was a key cog in a bench mob that kept it close during the first half. O.J. Mayo (18 points) was fantastic (all game) and Shane Battier was solid … Speaking of Shane, he got stuck in an elevator for half an hour on Friday. If there was anyone who wouldn’t mind, it would be him. What else was Battier gonna do on a Friday night? Study algebra tables with Daryl Morey? … He’s been getting criticism recently, yet it’s not so much the amount of shots with Westbrook, but the timing. He’s the anti-Stockton, pulling up constantly, shooting with 18 seconds left on the shot clock, playing hero ball down the stretch. In the final five minutes, we were sure somebody on OKC was going to step in and say something. In the fourth quarter of these playoffs, Durant is averaging 10.6 points on 61-percent shooting and yet he hardly ever touched the ball. The Thunder weren’t even running sets. Case in point, with Memphis closing on them late, Westbrook first threw it away and then took a terrible pull-up J without passing once. Then after a Mike Conley (18 points) trey made it a three-point game, Westbrook came back and hit a pull-up. Immediately after, he missed another crazy layup before racing back downcourt to get a steal. We might as well start calling him Hell Hath No Fury. You live with the bad songs because the other tracks are just so damn good. But when a website (hoopdata.com) has created a stat just for you that basically tracks how out of control you are, you know it’s time to relax. When he finally did get it to Durant, the timing was off. KD had lost his rhythm (2-for-10 to end the game). On their final possession of the game, tied at 86, the Thunder didn’t throw it to Durant until it was nearly too late and he had to fire up a fading jumper that wasn’t close. This whole late-game vibe is freaking us out. It’s like watching Casino over and over. Ace doesn’t want to rock the boat, and here comes Nicky running his mouth, firing his gun, causing scenes. We still believe it’s all growing pains, but damn the Thunder are too good to lose like this … Penny Hardaway was in the house, apparently wearing Lil’ Penny’s shirtWays to tell a team is a small market not used to winning: the fan towels for the first home game arrive late. We can make fun of Memphis, but at least they know basketball. Unlike some other markets, the fans actually know to scream “MVP” for only one guy, and computer graphics don’t need to tell them when it’s time to cheer … They don’t teach flopping at Pitt, but they did help Sam Young learn to do thisContinue reading: Rajon Rondo is the greatest one-armed basketball player ever
With one arm, Rajon Rondo beat LeBron and Wade! With one arm, Rondo can go deep-sea fishing! With one arm, Rondo wins Billiards titles, can eat a steak in three minutes, can stop terrorism! All exaggerations aside, the Celtic point guard was doing people like the one-armed man in The Fugitive during Boston’s huge 97-81 Game 3 win against the Heat. Early in the third quarter just as Boston was finishing up a run that had turned a close game into a double-digit Celtic lead, Rondo (six points, 11 assists) got tangled up with Dwyane Wade (23 points, seven assists) and reached to brace his fall, hyperextending his left elbow. It was nauseating. He was back in the game soon after, barely able to use his left arm, but still making plays, finishing inside and finding teammates. It’s a good thing he doesn’t shoot as it is. Rondo’s out there playing with one arm and Shaq‘s (played eight minutes, scored two points) out there playing with no legs … While Rondo was the story, the game of the night belonged to Kevin Garnett (28 points, 18 rebounds). He was spilling his swear words in the first quarter, and then was the difference during the defining third quarter, dropping 14 points to get the Celtics some breathing room. He has to dominate Chris Bosh, and has to do it at least three more times for Boston to have a shot … Bosh (six points, five rebounds) couldn’t hold Brittney Griner right now … The word we would use for Boston’s start was “sharp.” Paul Pierce (27 points) was an entirely different player, playing like the go-to guy we’ve seen for so long. The problem the Celtics have is that even at their best, their energy just can’t match what some of the Heat can bring. So if Boston isn’t making shots and it comes down to other things, Miami usually wins. The game’s first wave of energy put Boston up 11, but still just three minutes into the second quarter, Miami’s bench had tied it up. Then Mario Chalmers (15 points) hit a trey and Joel Anthony (12 points, 11 rebounds) scored in the lane to cap an 8-0 Miami run to put them up four in the middle of the second. Normally, these games come down to the stars. But Miami’s bench really showed up, and somehow the Heat actually led at the half. They needed that because LeBron James (15 points) played one of the worst games we’ve ever seen from him in the playoffs. He looked confused and off-balance all night, and was much worse than the last playoff game he played in Boston. Yes, he’s not used to playing off the ball, but there’s no way he should be using the same go-to moves as Jerome Bettis … We’re out like a Rondo push-up.

For breaking news, rumors, exclusive content, and contests sent right to your inbox, sign up here for the Dime Email Newsletter.

Follow Dime Magazine on Twitter

Become a fan of Dime Magazine on Facebook

×