Smack / Jun 23, 2011 / 12:58 am

NBA Draft Rumors Are In A Frenzy; Minnesota To Fire Kurt Rambis

Jimmer Fredette

Jimmer Fredette (photo. Jaren Wilkey/BYU)

‘Twas the night before the draft and all through the league, not a player was safe, not even Jeff Teague. Yeah so we were pretty close to writing this entire edition of Smack in rhyme. That would’ve been a disaster (we’re already not crazy about that opening). But anyway, yes it is that time of year again – that last 24 hours where every GM gets all polished up, floats almost every player on their roster and lies to the media about it. We think it’s all pretty awesome, especially with the added pressure of the lockout. This may be the last time there’s a good amount of player movement, with all the financial uncertainty for 2012 and beyond, so let us relish in the excitement of rumors: Steve Nash to Minny for the No. 2 overall? Tony Parker for a lottery pick? Gasol for Kevin Love and Derrick Williams? Love it. Love it. Love it (Well not really the trades, but the idea of the trades). Basically, if your name hasn’t popped up somewhere, it means no one really cares about you. The Bucks and Bobcats have opened up all of their phone lines (and their Skype accounts) to get offers on their first rounders (Charlotte probably only after MJ got a text on the 17th hole in-between cigar puffs asking if he knew the draft was just a day away.), while the Cavs announced today they are standing pat. They will pick from both their No. 1 and No. 4 spots. But who’ll it be? Irving and Kanter? Williams and Knight? Kanter and Kemba? If Dan Gilbert could do us a favor and write a little note with some idea about who he’s picking, maybe we’ll only have to take two Tums before bed tonight. And if that note could be in Comic Sans, that would be great. Thanks … So what have you heard? Because right now, we’ve heard everyone’s going just about everywhere (how about a swap of Lamar Odom and some change for Andre Iguodala? That’s the latest). This might be the first draft in forever that we (sort of) have two guys locked in, and then it’s mayhem after that. If the Jazz don’t pick a PG at number three, this means we will 1) shake our heads and realize we should stop gambling on everything, and 2) chalk up the Jimmer to Utah at No. 12. With Gordon Hayward and Jimmer on the floor at once, EnergySolutions Arena during hoops season suddenly becomes the best place in America to pick up Mormon girls on a Wednesday night. That is, if there is a good place in America to pick up Mormon girls on a Wednesday. We’ve heard the Jimmer and his 35-foot J getting picked everywhere from Sacramento to Indiana, from Charlotte to New York. We like him for the Knicks and D’Antoni and all the open threes he’ll get from ‘Melo doubles in the high post. This will also ensure that NY will have non-defenders at at least three positions on the floor. Exciting … Incredibly, the Spurs are not only shopping Tony Parker (predictable) but now George Hill (incredulous). So the most unathletic team in the league is thinking about trading their most athletic player for a draft pick? No way the Spurs’ brass is this stupid … Zydrunas Ilgauskas exercised his player option, meaning he probably won’t retire. If you thought he was a mummy for the final two months this season, wait until next year when Miami brings him back just to please LeBron as Big Z will look like a lantern all year from the bench … Yahoo! Sports has cited league sources’ in their report that the Minnesota Timberwolves have fired coach Kurt Rambis. Rambis may not have won many games, he also may not have successfully implemented the triangle offense, but the dude had style. His locks and black-rimmed glasses (from his Laker days) have possibly inspired an entire generation of hipsters. Thanks for that Rambis, and thanks for the memories. You know what Minnesota should really do – since they have a fascination with making everything as unpredictable as possible? Just make David Kahn the head coach, then run with a lineup of Rubio, Flynn, Ridnour, Telfair and a 57-year-old Darrick Martin all at once … We’re out like Jimmer in the lottery.

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  • alf (from melmak)

    Donuts. Check. Milk. Check. Popcorn. Check. Yup, I am ready for the draft.

    Help me out fellas. If Jimmer Fredette actually ends in a Jazz uniform and tandems with Gordon Hayward in the backcourt, would that be a first time in a long time that a team would strut “white boys” at 1 and 2?

    Closest I can recall were Danny Ainge and Dennis Johnson in Boston. Then again DJ ain’t white exactly. (Nothing racist here.)

  • Big Hook

    @Alf Stockton and Hornacek, boy could those two white boys shoot!

  • beiber newz

    the secret is out…gm’s never really say who’ll they’ll take for sure to keep that competitive edge in the draft process. if everyone knew for sure the cavs would take irving, which they probably will, then every body will know how to position their picks. and the cavs put out such unknowingness in order to have a little wiggle room with the 4th pick. it’s basically to catch other gm’s off guard. so they won’t know who to fall in love with until they are on the clock.

    damn, i dunno if that made sense when i wrote it out. but i know what i mean in my head. don’t yall hate when that happens. smh…

  • beiber newz

    why do people smoke stems? ain’t that unhealthy?

  • beiber newz

    ^sry that was extremely random but i just saw something related to it on facebook. and i didn’t want to give people the wrong impression if i asked there. i would get a million comments like : POTHEAD !!!! and DRUGGY . u get the picure…

    yall can just get back to basketball. lol i’m going to bed.

  • http://www.cracked.com/funny-353-kobe-bryant/ Atom

    @ alf:

    Whit Chocolate and Doug Christie (close enough). Same team also had Jon Berry laying the two, but he was always coming off the bench.

  • BRUCE

    Don’t forget Vlade, Peja, and Miller. When you look like the enemy, you are the enemy.

    Kudos to Alf for being a racist! I got a buddy here!

  • alf (from melmak)

    @ Big Hook
    My bad. Yup. Horny and Stockton. Just kept on interchanging Horny and Bryon Russell at the 2 and 3.

    @ Atom
    Yup. Doug Christie is close enough.

    @ BRUCE
    Am not a racist at all. But we can still be buddies.

  • Rafa23

    @ Bruce
    That Kings team in 03/04, when Webber was injured cause of the the microfrature for most of the season, had a starting 5 of !!! Bibby, Christie, Peja, Miller and Vlade.
    Your favorite team of all time?

  • http://deleted dagwaller

    Watched Conan the Destroyer yesterday. Some thoughts.

    How many of the servant wenches got invited to the afterparty by Wilt and Arnold?

    To keep up with his 20,000 woman pace, Wilt was probably returning from his bedroom before every scene. His mace was probably really sticky (pause).

    Wilt of the NBA right now: Dwight Howard, by default.
    Conan: Dirk – the foreign slayer that leads a band of misfits against all odds.
    Akiro – Jason Kidd.
    Malak – DeShawn Stevenson.
    Zula – Chris Bosh.

  • heckler

    i heard over the weekend that kurt rambis was getting fired. but i didnt hear of any replacement.
    minnesota might be one of the worst coaching jobs in the league. management just keeps making a mess (kahn now; mchale before). i think its VERY possible that Bill Laimbeer FINALLY gets a chance to be a head coach in the NBA.

    Jimmer Fredette on the Knicks is a TERRIBLE idea.

    however, i kinida like the idea of Jimmer and Gordon partying together in Utah for the next 4yrs!…makes me wanna hang out with em just for the spilloff puss….

    Ive always liked Big Z — leave him alone.

    @ DIME — dont EVER (ever, Ever, EVER) open ‘Smack’ with a rhyme again. if you must, allow one of your readers/posters to do it.

    Bassy Telfair is still in the league? hahahaha. bum.
    why doesnt his agent just force a trade to jersey/brooklyn? …everyone knows damn well thats the only way he’ll ever be relevant in the league. balling in brooklyn for the Nets and getting them a playoff home game. even if he has to backup deron williams; Bassy belongs in Brooklyn….

    @ DIME — this draft might be similar to the 2007 draft. Greg Oden and Kevin Durant were going 1-2 (or 2-1), we all knew that. but after that, the rest of the picks were a straight crap shoot. just like this draft. we know the first 2 picks, but after that, pure crap shoot of who gets selected and where

  • jdizzle

    ”And if that note could be in Comic Sans, that would be great. Thanks. ”

    Don’t know why but I pictured Bill Lumbergh saying that sentence lol

  • beiber newz

    @ heckler

    i can see your point in what you say by comparing this draft to 2007.

    a lot of gm’s didn’t know who to go with but as you look back you can obviously see the talent is spread out. the 1st round in 2007 had a lot of guys who are relevant today and are respectable. afflalo and aaron brook weren’t top 25 but 1st round picks. jared dudley, wilson chandler and rudy fernandez are respectable and not top 20 picks. i never would have thought joakim noah would be as good as he is today. he looked like he had no skill. but turns out he’ll be an all star next year for sure. horford, conley, thadeus young, rodney stuckey, nick young all turned out to be guys who can get minutes. 2007 was a pleasent suprise of a class. hopefull we’ll see the same with the 2011 class.

  • beiber newz
  • NYK

    phoenix trading nash to the wolves will be the final blow to disrespect who was once their mvp.

  • http://dime David

    Fuck you idiots, the sso called” least athletic team in the league’ beat your teams during the season, so they cannot suck too bad.Screw you guys.

  • collarboro

    Jimmer will be lotto picked …book it.

  • http://www.MVPresidesinChitown.com Chicagorilla

    Derrick Williams 6’9 250 LBs Sophmore
    great athlete, decent post game, great face up game, draws a ton of fouls, long arms, and a motor and drive to succeed

    Blake Griffin 6’10 250 LBs Sophmore
    Great athlete, decent post game, great face up game, draws a ton of fouls, decent length, and an motor and drive to succeed

    If im not mistaken, Blake Griffin was the Rookie Of The Year

    I dont care how much of a pg league they say this is. You do not pass up a cat like Derrick Williams. Its amazing that this is even a debate.

    IMHO the Cavs dont desrve Williams. Hell they should just fold that team and relocate it from that racist ass owner and City.

    Kyrie will be an average player more than likely. He doesnt excell at any one given ability. He is slow compared to NBA pgs, and doesnt have the savvy or jumper of someone like Steph Curry to be an all-star.
    And i want my number 1 pick to be an alll-star.

    Also, this will be like the 2000, 2001, 2002 draft in which GMs had to show their true ability to scout and pick talent.
    Picking guys off media hype like Kwame Brown #1 pick, Mike Oliwakandi #1 pick, Jay Williams #2 pick, Stromile Swift #2 pick, Darious Miles #2 pick, Demarr Johnson #6 pick, Darko #2 pick, will get you fired!
    Passing up on guys like Tony Parker #28, Gilbert Arenas #2 in 2nd rd, Zach Randolph #19, Amare Stoudimire #9, Gerald Wallace #25, Manu #28 in 2nd rd, Scola #27 2nd rd, Mike Redd #14 in 2nd rd.
    Will also get you fired.

    The best way to go in these drafts are guys like Shane Battier #6 pick, Mike Miller #5 pick, Joe Johnson #10, Pau Gasol #3, Caron Butler #10, Kenyon Martin #1, Rich Jefferson #13 are the best ones to draft because you know if they do not become stars, they have a great chance at becoming a valuable role player at the very least. Their games and skill set transfer very well to the NBA and you’re not taking a huge chance.

  • Kudabeen

    Iguodala to LA (Not the Clippers) for Bynum?? Not even mentioned as a possibility, but in both teams transitional periods that will define where they are headed the next 2-3 years I think it should.

    http://games.espn.go.com/nba/tradeMachine?tradeId=6j459ca

    LA gets a legit perimeter defender to increase speed and athleticism in the backcourt…Dre is better playing off of legit scorers (Kobe and Gasol)…LA still has Artest. Defensively they can have Dre, Kobe, and Artest on the floor at once and lose nothing in ball handling or ball movement.

    Sixers become a player in the EAST with a guy who would automatically be a matchup problem. Bynum gets to flex more muscle and be a featured threat. Sixers get more minutes for Thad. Jrue is able to have the ball in his hands more to become that lead guard he has shown himself to be. Sixers need to make a move that puts them in higher class. Acquiring a guy like Bynum will make all pay attention to them in the East.

    Win/Win and it makes both teams more dynamic right away. There is a way to make Gasol work as well, but I wouldn’t trade Pau. He has too much skill and is still a matchup problem on the post. Adding a creator like Dre I won’t hurt.

  • Kudabeen

    @chicagorilla

    Agreed…I don’t see it with Irving and maintain that as much as his change of pace game is mature and he is an above average playmaker…I don’t see him as an allstar when judging him into 3 years against the field of PGs already in the league. Is he leap frogging John Wall for that “Next” spot to open up at guard in the next 3 years? NO!

    He isn’t explosive enough, long enough or as much of a sharp shooter to really differentiate himself. I just don’t see it. I think he is 2nd best PG in this draft.

    Kemba is dropping because he one with a bad team. UCONN had no business winning this year…he had to step outside of his character to fit in with that program since he was a freshman. He was always a great playmaker/passer, but UConn needed him to be a menace on offense to be relevant. Not his fault. I’d rather have him.

    I’m more confident that picking up a guy like Johnny Flynn would be better answer than Irving…Good second tier starting PGs (Kemba is in tier 2 as well)

    Yes they have potential to get better, but Derrick Williams can start at 4 now and prove his versatility to play on the wing some later. Donyell Marshall with Explosiveness and Better ability to create off the dribble equals Impact All-star potential. And yes Donyell Marshall…He was a great role player that could do a little of everything , but lacked some of the tools to be a star…Derrick reminds me of him, but he has all those tools.

  • http://twitter.com/#!/Quiznakes K Dizzle

    @ post 19 – U a Philly fan?
    We tryin to get Howard for Bynum and you suggest Dre?
    Pass…