Tweets From Last Night: Game 1

Analyzing Game 1 between the Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat goes beyond the Xs and Os, past the same storyline many of us predicted before the tip. Were you surprised that it was a game until LeBron James and Dwyane Wade proved too much for Dirk Nowitzki and, well, nobody else?

I think you might have seen that coming. Whatever the case may be, the Twittersphere was blowing up with a lot of insight, smack talk and humorous accounts (for the love of the basketball gods, “Dirk NoRingski” was trending). For the sake of objectivity, here’s a little taste of the Mavs Malice and the Heat Hate – plus a ton of old-guy jokes – via Twitter.

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Of course, the most exciting matchups in any NBA game, aside from the obvious, come in the form of bench-warming centers.

@russbengtson: Brenda Haywood and Ericka Dampier #shaqtweets

@sportspickle: Brendan Haywood puts the “throw” in “free throw.”

At least Haywood, unlike Dampier, put in some decent work Tuesday night. Then again, he did deny himself against the iron at one point in the second quarter.

@jadande: waiting for the rim to do a Dikembe finger wag

Speaking of Dikembe, who must be 70-years-old by now, there’s an oddly high number of guys in this series that have been around the league a long, long time. Seriously, these Finals almost feel like a conglomerate of the past 15 years in the NBA.

@treykerby: These are Juwan Howard’s most important free throws since the time he invented free throws

@netw3rk: Jason Kidd played with Henry Bibby

@EthanJSkolnick: Remember when Mike Bibby was “Jason Kidd with a jumpshot?” Yeah, long time ago.

@alanhahn: Steve Javie’s hairstyle predates the 24 second shot clock era.

Not only is this stuff passing up any parallels to the 2006 NBA Finals, this is going way back. Even the non-basketball related portions of the TV broadcast screamed “Wrong decade!”

@bruce_arthur: Ice Cube arguing with the Coors Light beer bottle is pretty much exactly how I figured N.W.A. was going to turn out.

@IraHeatBeat: Michael McDonald on the national anthem. Welcome to the 1971 NBA Finals!

And coming off Memorial Day Weekend, what’s more American than the National Anthem?

@HPBasketball: “I’m Proud To Be An American” just played. Really happened. In Miami.

How about some new-school American hits?

@erivera7: I’d rather listen to Rebecca Black sing Friday than deal with ABC’s commentary.

And of course, we couldn’t scrape the Twitterscape without taking in some good ol’ punches at the Heat. After all, they’re all of a sudden the favorite. We might as well cherish these jokes over the next few weeks in case they win the whole thing and deem themselves too scary to be messed with ever again.

I mean, all the hate is now directed solely at Chris Bosh, simply because people are starting to realize it’s hard to talk smack about LeBron while he’s shooting daggers into opponents hearts.

@TheBillWalton: With the entire world watching, Chris Bosh is having a coming out party similar to the stunning Pippa Middleton during the royal wedding

@TheBillWalton: As the weakest link of his crew, Chris Bosh brings to mind Steel from ‘Juice’; soft, undisciplined, and prone to cry when things get tough.

@cavsformavs: Did the Boshtrich just put his head in the sand?

And as the game wore on, you had to wonder what the reigning NBA Champion Los Angeles Lakers were doing and thinking. Kobe was probably not watching and scheming for next season’s run. As for the rest of the Lakers, they might’ve been A) filming reality TV shows or B) …

@ronartest: I’m watching Khloe and Lamar

@ronartest: Who won?

@ronartest: I don’t care who wins But I got heat in 5

Ron Ron doesn’t seem to care, does he? But if you must know, Mr. Artest, the Heat stomped out the Mavs chances down the stretch after a tight first half.

@TheReal_TMac: wade and lebron were who we thought they were! #denny

Indeed. If nobody else was prepared for a Miami victory, at least one reporter came prepared for the Heat.