Smack / Jul 14, 2011 / 1:09 am

The Ballers Run The ESPYS

Blake Griffin

Blake Griffin (photo. Rob Hammer)

So The ESPY’s may not be an all-hoops award show, but outside of the U.S. Ladies and their overseas patriot smorgasbord, the ballers stole the show. It started off solid with SNL’s Seth Meyers making us laugh while making every athlete in the room sweat. Our favorite: Meyers mentioning that the Heat’s Big Three was a reference to how many quarters they play in big games. Sick. Burn. Dude. Or the one when Meyers said Kim K is only marrying a Net because she was sick of dating pro athletes. Wow. Other highlights included Blake Griffin calling Emmanuelle Chriqui “Sloan” when accepting his Breakthrough Athlete award, Sloan herself (The first time she walked out? Woah. Let’s just start Entourage right now), Jason Kidd‘s crazy hot wife (five best-looking women last night: Kerry Washington, Ms. Fredette, Sloan, that chick from SportsNation & Dirk’s lady (honorable mention: Serena‘s booty)) and the “Lockout Professionals.” The lowlight: those uncomfortable digital nominee montages. The freak athlete robots were weird. The video game portraits of the nominees were weirder. How ’bout we scrap that whole cool cutting edge thing for 2012 and go with some actual pictures? We’re just saying … Guess who else showed up? Rashad McCants … And y’all got what you wanted: LeBron James is out of Dime’s 1-On-1 NBA Tournament. D-Wade slapped him up by getting 70% of the vote. On the other side, an even bigger surprise: the so-called best one-on-one player in the game lost. Kobe is out. Dirk is moving on, winning 55% of the vote (Some Kobe fans nearly ruined it by trying to sabotage the voting.). Today at 11 A.M. EST, it’ll be Wade vs. Dirk all alone, one winner, one loser, He Got Game-style … In some actual NBA news (well, sort of), reports have come out that the NBPA’s President Billy Hunter recently dropped a memo to the players, commending Deron Williams for the courage it took to accept the offer to play in Turkey during the lockout. He’s 100% right. Also, we love how this memo magically made its way into the hands of ESPN – it’s not like the player’s union has been thinly veiling these announcements on ESPN as negotiating tools. Oh sorry, that’s exactly what they’ve been doing. You want to know what’s not thinly veiled? Jorge Sierra’s piece that mentions Besiktas as one of the many Europeans teams with a reputation for stiffing their players on salary. Yikes … And those lady footballers aren’t the only Americans thinking about international competition. Jerry Colangelo, Chairman of the USA Basketball program, plans on reaching out to 2012 Olympics candidates in the next month or so – hopefully to get the stars aligned once again for another gold medal run. While there have been a lot of ’08ers who have voiced interest in getting the band back together in London, Colangelo understands that circumstances have changed for many of those involved. Does that mean we should start expecting a mash-up of the most recent Olympics and World Championships teams? Are we talking about teaming up D-Rose and the Durantula with ‘Melo and LeBron? All we can say is: we like that … And in the wake of the firing of former T’Wolves coach Kurt Rambis, Wolves’ President David Kahn has come out and said he wants changes. Our guess: the great Don Nelson returns from Maui to coach in Minnesota, sours on Ricky Rubio and then returns back home within 18 months. It would only be fitting … A number of big college stars are on their way overseas. Jacob Pullen signed with Italy’s Angelico Biella. Ben Hansbrough signed with a team in Munich while Demetri McCamey appears likely to sign in Turkey. Our man Xavier Silas has an invite to try out with the 76ers … We’re out like Brian Wilson‘s spandex leotard/tux.

For breaking news, rumors, exclusive content, and contests sent right to your inbox, sign up here for the Dime Email Newsletter.

Follow Dime Magazine on Twitter

Become a fan of Dime Magazine on Facebook

Related Posts with Thumbnails
  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    Brian Wilson of the Giants has the most amazing beard in the history of beards lol. It looks like that beard that Peter Griffin grew out on Family Guy, when he had the birds nest in his beard.

  • Young Gunner aka Andius Oneicus: God Of Buckets

    You must not have seen the beard wrestler Mike Knox sports (or used to sport)

  • pipdaddyy

    Yeah, bring in Nelson, at least his teams are entertaining and Minny will get some more attention with Rubio also in the spotlight. Gimme some half-court/full-court outlet passes by Love and then let Beasley and the 9 point guards on the roster run.

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    im just now watching the ESPYs and the three best parts were:

    Serna Willams and the four midgets she tried smuggling in her chest and ass made my mouth water.

    I usually don’t dig white women, but the Lidnsey Vonn (the chick that ski’s) also made my d!ck tingle a little bit.

    3rdly the dude that was innocent but spent 30yrs in sing sing. How he’s not angry I have no idea. I would have immediately committed a murder as soon as they let me out, just so i know i wasted those 30yrs for something.
    Think about all the tax money wasted on that dude….something like 40k per year for 30yrs….nigga thats $1.3 MILLION of tax payer money wasted on an innocent man in prison. That’s just crazy.

  • JAY

    “Some Kobe fans nearly ruined it by trying to sabotage the voting.”

    LMAO!!!!!! My money is on Lakeshow. LOL. SCHEMERS!!

  • http://www.dimemag.com Aron Phillips

    The “Arizona State course credit” bit was hilarious!

  • http://www.dimemag.com panchitoooo

    how did Kobe fans almost sabotage the voting?

  • s.bucketz

    brian wilson is a gay boy…does any1 find him funny??hes like the guy from SNL that helped out on that Dirk’s basketball camp skit..he has the appearance of someone that should b funny…but hes jus not and he tries WAYYYYY too hard

    this 1-on-1 tourney is wack as shit…the winner is always the exact opposite of who wins in the comments section where people are makin valid arguments and panchitooo takin the day off from work and runnin evrybody hahah

  • Big Island

    The ESPY’s were SO bad. I watched a few parts of it, and it sounds like I saw the good parts.

    Chicagorilla – Serena was nucking futs. I wouldn’t even know where to start with her. I’m built to handle a ton of things, but I can safely say Serena Williams is not one of them. I’d die trying though. Side note, I saw her in person one day at a little breakfast joint out here and she is drop dead gorgeous. Incredible looking woman in person. Nothing on tv or in magazines do her justice. She’s also 6’3″ if she’s an inch. Honestly the only time in my life that I just stopped in my tracks and didn’t know what the hell to do with myself.

    Then Vonn came on and I turned to my friends and said “THAT is what I like. I would bite everything on that woman”.

    Then they showed Dirk with his girl and my friends just comforted me and told me it would be ok. That I could still love him even if the love is only one way.

  • s.bucketz

    yooo Chicagorilla
    quick question…i jus moved to chicago and i been tryin to find a court but ther aint 1 in the whole damn city..i live on the north side i go to wicker park and humboldt park sometimes but those r 2 of the worst courts i ever seen in my life…u kno any spots around the north side to get a good run in??i kno i cood prob go to the southside but i dont feel like payin for parkin/subways jus to get shot haha

  • http://www.dimemag.com Austin Burton

    Something to think about: When Dime did a 1-on-1 tournament in ’08, Dirk lost in the 2nd round of the Southwest Division bracket to Manu. (The overall Final Four back then? Kobe, LeBron, T-Mac and KG.)

    Now is Dirk THAT much better in 2011 than he was in 2008? Or is this another example of how winning a championship in a team sport sometimes over-enhances a player’s individual legacy/reputation?

    Don’t get me wrong, Dirk is and always has been an amazing player, especially in a 1-on-1 setting. But it’s interesting how back when he was still labeled a choker — even coming off an MVP season — people thought he couldn’t beat Manu. Now that he’s been on the best team in the League once, he’s knocking off Melo and Kobe.

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    @BIG IS

    Yeh man, Serna would get “the treatment” from me. I would go outta my way to make….well lets not go into details

    @SBUCkets

    I cant think of a place to play on the northside. Im a westsider myself. I know a few places to play there, but you don’t want to do that by yourself.

    There is also a park in Maywood that was a good place to play off Washington st. But that is a little dangerous too, you might need to bring 4-5 of ya boys and a shotgun lol.

    Your best bet is to find a lifetime fitness (24hr gym) and see if they are hooping there. Then you could link up with the ballers in your area to find out where else they are playing

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    @Austin

    ONce i saw that there was a one on one tourney I had no doubt that Dirk would be in the finals. Not because he deserved it, but because of the hype. The same would have happened for Pau Gasol a couple years ago.

    Do I think he should be there though? well based on the match ups he got, yeh. Had he had to face Dwight Howard or Durant, he may have lost that, but the people he faced he had a huge advantage on. I had him beating Kobe because of his size advantage combined with his skill, but that’s still a close one.

    I really want to put these matchups into 2k11 and see how it works out.

  • JAY

    @ Big Island:
    “Side note, I saw her in person one day at a little breakfast joint out here and she is drop dead gorgeous. Incredible looking woman in person. Nothing on tv or in magazines do her justice. She’s also 6’3″ if she’s an inch. Honestly the only time in my life that I just stopped in my tracks and didn’t know what the hell to do with myself.”

    …then Dirk walked by and Big Island busted a nut. LOL.

  • JAY

    Cosign AB and Chitown. I also had a feeling Dirk would make the Finals, but at the same time don’t read too much into this. I was voting using my eenie-meenie-miney-mo method.

  • JAY

    @Chitown: “I really want to put these matchups into 2k11 and see how it works out.”
    I got a wide open weekend in front of me bud. I’m going to load these matchups in, crack open a cold one, light something, simulate the games and see what happens.

    BTW,
    I was bored 3 weeks ago and I created Reggie Miller, Barkley, Olajuwon and Jabbar and did a fantasy draft including all the legends. I even took the time to make their faces. Olajuwon and Jabbar are fuckin unstoppable. Olajuwon has that midrange game and quick post moves (I gave him Rondo’s show-the-ball layup) and assigned Jabbar a sky-hook. Lol. He dropped like 5-6 skyhooks against me… that bitch. I’ll never get bored of this game. I’ll probably create more legends as the summer moves on.

  • JAY

    Shit… #15 was posted in the wrong thread. Shitty day at work… my bad.

  • Big Island

    JAY – You aren’t lying, I would nut in my own eye.

    Austin – Generally a bigger guy wins one on one stuff, especially if they have a midrange game. They had the Kareem/Dr. J matchup, then one year they had Shaq against Isaiah Thomas at an ASG and Shaq beasted him. All of those one on one runs that they have at playgrounds are generally won by a guy about 6’7″ or so because they can just back a guy down. Dirk is big, he’s always had the talent, and I guess it’s just a matter of people thinking he has heart now. Besides, they aren’t ACTUALLY playing so it’s all speculative. So he beats Manu, Melo has haters, and so does Kobe. I think it’s more of a “fuck that guy” than Dirk is the man. Except in my case where it’s both.

  • http://www.dimemag.com panchitoooo

    @JAY

    do you have PS3 or Xbox? cause on PS3 i found a downloadable Legends roster on 2k share. it has all the faces, numbers, and pretty legit ratings for each player. they got a whole bunch of stuff like the new 2011 draft class (jimmer bombs) and other crazy stuff. only down side is that you cant see the rosters until you download it.

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    @JAY

    I’m in my second season as a Larry Bird clone with hops. of course for the Bulls. With all the options and different styles of play this game never gets old.

    My boy has it on the CPU and that shit is effing crazy with the graphics and customizable things they can do. They have patches that correct all the Jordans and add the paten leather. Plus they can add the real faces of created players like Hakeem and Kareem.

    side note: Hakeem and Patrick Ewing were the best centers in 2k10. My boy and I had a legends 7 game series and those two were the most unstoppable out of all the players. Even with Laker Shaq, Isiah (whom i thought was the best player at first), Bird, Magic.

  • Stephen Jackson

    I’m sorry for you if you’re attracted by the Williams sisters.

  • Stephen Jackson

    I’m sorry for you if you’re attracted to the Williams sisters.

-->