Smack / Sep 30, 2011 / 2:17 am

Ben Wallace’s New Offense; Kobe Bryant Closes in on Europe

Ben Wallace had a greater offense this weekend than Tom Brady. On Saturday night, he was reportedly booked on drunken driving charges as well as for the unlawful carrying of a concealed weapon. The police didn’t release his blood alcohol level and Big Ben will be back in court on Oct. 3. The pistol is something we can’t defend, and neither is the driving. But drinking (Wallace says he had four beers) is what happens when you’re part of an organization that seems intent on making itself the most dysfunctional group in all of sports. All of those players seemed like they were wound-up soldiers ready to pop at any second because of the frustration. We can only imagine the amount of stress they were under this year. For his part, Wallace says he was driving from Virginia to Michigan and just forgot that the gun – registered to his wife – was in a backpack in his backseat … Will he or won’t he? That’s the question that’s been shadowing Kobe Bryant everywhere this summer. He’s flirted voraciously with teams in Turkey and now Italy, but will he actually step up and set up the date? At this point, we only have his words, and they could be real or just playful. Some believe he will play because that’s what Kobe does: he plays. Screw any consequences. Kobe has always been about “doing” rather than “watching”. It’ll be interesting in these next few days to see what happens. Derek Fisher says Kobe is always in his ear about the lockout, so would Fish get on Kobe if he bolted? … Remember back when Kobe was a rapper? We do, and it wasn’t pretty … There was some crazy feedback because of an email we posted yesterday from some guy who alleges he had dinner with a former Bulls assistant, Johnny Bach. There are some Jerry Krause stories in there, as well as what supposedly made Michael Jordan a better defender than Scottie Pippen. There was classic material though between MJ and Muggsy Bogues. One time Bogues had the ball at the end of the game and Mike spike out something so ruthless that it nearly destroyed the lil’ man’s career … Speaking of Bogues, the former 5-3 point guard says he never dunked in a basketball game, but that he could dunk a volleyball. We always assumed he could dunk, and the same goes for anyone who makes it to the NBA. We have these arguments in the office all the time: who can dunk and who can’t (which is like nobody). We actually find that there are a lot of people out there who think some NBA players either can’t dunk or can’t do it consistently. How do y’all feel about a dude like Steve Nash? There are people out there that will tell you they don’t think he can do it consistently because he never did it in games … Some pretty cool stats here from last season on dunks and layups. According to this formula, no one dunked as often (dunks per 100 possessions) as DeAndre Jordan last year. The top 17 on that list are all big men until you get to Andre Iguodala, who dunked 2.28 times per 100 possessions. Out of all the players who never dunked last season, one name sticks out: DeShawn Stevenson. That’s not because he’s a beast or an athletic marvel, but remember when he was in high school? Dude could fly. He’s not THAT old. For the top five layup rates, of course Tony Parker, Carmelo Anthony, Russell Westbrook and Derrick Rose are in there. But none other than Leandro Barbosa sits at the top with 9.63 per 100 possessions … Someone leaked the intro to NBA 2K12. It feels like they’re mimicking the ABC NBA Finals intro … And David Stern is saying today and into the weekend will decide whether there’s a season or not. We know he’s using scare tactics, but still, this weekend is incredibly important. This is probably the last chance to save the start of the season. If it doesn’t happen know, we are almost assuredly missing time. Hopefully today, we all get some good news … We’re out like DeShawn’s hops.

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  • Promoman

    DeShawn’s case is easy to explain, his role is to defend. He’s athletic enough to be an above average dunker at the NBA level but he got labelled into the defender role. After getting buried in Utah, he had to become a grunt so teams will play & pay him.

  • beiber newz
  • Trey Bing Bay

    Didn’t Lebron used to make the top dunkers list routinely? What happened? Too many jump shots this year?

    And speaking of players who can’t dunk, one name comes to mind….JJ Barea? Can he dunk? Really?

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla

    Kobe needs to just relax, and take this time to heal. Otherwise Laker fans are going to be in for a pretty bad experience the next 2-3 years as Kobe fights with fathee time, Gasol, and Bynum on the court.

    What stood out on the dunks per?
    Iggy stood out, but DWade really suprised me. He’s 6’4!!! He has to have a crazy wingspan. I did not see LBJ on there…thats really shocking.

    What stood out on the layup per?
    CARLOS F^KING BOOZER!!!! That bastard has a lower lay-up FG% than 6’1 Tony Parker. and more importantly, WTF is our $85 Mill PF doing on the list for LAY-UP?!?!?!

    I read the Johnny Bach article. Crazy and interesting. I do think some of the timeline was off (the Bulls beat the Hornets 3-1, there was not game 5 for Muggsy to choke in). And the stories about MJ are hiliarious for the most part. Those are the guys I would love to sit down with and chat basketball. Guys like Bach, Tex Winter, Norm Van Lier, Hubey Brown, and even Doug Collins. Those guys have seen EVERYTHING there is to see in basketball from almost every player. As a basketball junkie, I would just love to listen in on a convo with those guys.

    Speaking of which, those NBAtv “Round Table” dicussions are the shit. One of my favorites is the Dallas Mavericks one where Sam Perkins is explaining how he was tricked into guarding Larry Bird by Mark Aguire. lmfao.

  • http://www.zwani.com/graphics/funny_pictures/images/88funny-pictures128.jpg JAY

    It doesn’t surprise me that Lebron isn’t on that list. It’s based on possessions and he touches the ball like 800 times a game. Lol. Here’s the list of dunk leaders for last season. He’s at #15.

    And I agree with Trey – I’d be very surprised if Barea can throw a basketball down.

    And the Clippers better get a quality pass-first PG. Someone needs to feed those two dunkaholics in the front court.

  • abpin

    Looks like Kobe’s made a verbal agreement…

  • Alex “Robocop” Murphy

    I have a hard time believing Eddy Curry, Jason Collins, and Beno Udrih can dunk.

  • http://www.wtf.com Chicagorilla


    ok that list makes way more sense

    at first glance, Kevin durant stands out big time. For a guy that takes a ton of jumpers, that is a lot of dunks.

    And for some reason, Derrick Favors has 82 dunks. This could be a big sign of whats to come from him. He may turn out to be something.

    Kobe Bryant only had 38 dunks!!! wow, its crazy how much his game has changed. He had the same amount as paul pierce and only 2 more than Chase Budinger

    DRose had 32 dunks as the second highest PG behind Westbrook who had an eye popping 51 dunks.
    The only other PG i can see getting close to those numbers would have been Steve Francis.
    Shannon Brown was 3rd at 30 dunks but John Wall only had 26. That seems low but i bet he is high on the lay up list

  • First & Foremost

    These dunk list highligh Hype vs. Reality. Lebron has a little more than 1 dunk a game, ONLY. As many times as we are force fed his open court highlights or bull dozing drives or 1/2 court offense oops or how-was-he-not-boxed-out putbacks, he only does it once a game.

  • Big Island

    Dirk had 9 dunks? Wow.

    So I am at my friend’s house yesterday, and my dog is running around. His dog is fat and useless, so I bring my dog over to chase shit out of his yard. Anyway, I’m leaving, and my dog grabbed a pair of his wife’s panties from somewhere. I didn’t realize it until we were in my truck. If anyone knows how to handle hiding your friend’s wife’s panties from your girlfriend, let me know. There are some slobbery bite marks on them, but that doesn’t help my case.

  • That’s What’s Up

    Eddy Curry can dunk.

    The fries into the ketchup…
    The wings into the ranch…
    The breadsticks into the maranara…
    The cookies into the milk…

  • JDish

    Muggsy Bogues can dunk?? Really? Whow

    I also say that JJ Barea can’t dunk. Yea Nate Robinson can but he’s athletic and can get up there, but JJ Barea. I gotta see it to believe it.

    Could John Stockton dunk a basketball? Seems he was running the offense, hitting Js, and just dishing it.

  • JDish

    @ Chicagorilla

    Thanks for the stats, specifically about Russell Westbrook. Kendrik Perkins better recognize who he’s playin with, and that he’s not longer playin with the celtics (with Rhondo).
    Get with the program Perk. R. Westbrook is your pg Not R. Rhondo. So settle down, concetrate on rebounding and playing defense.

  • K Dizzle

    @ That’s What’s Up – Add donuts to the Eddy Curry list

    The bottom 10 layup rate makes PERFECT sense…

  • http://www.geturweightup.com Chicagorilla

    Just saw the Law and Order episode with Melo and Chris Bosh. Kinda flucked up.
    Interesting though, that the star player was named “Prince” Miller. Very close to “King” James.
    But Law and Order always seem to do that.

    Perkins will be off that team or on the bench in the next year or so. He isn’t being masked by Al Jeff or KG anymore. Perk was being outplayed by Nick Collinson and Serge Ibaka all throughout the playoffs. I can’t believe how much hype that bum gets for doing nothing on the court. He should be a bench player, who comes in to commit fouls and be physical with big centers. He is useless for anything else.
    Which is why i couldn’t understand why OKC would give up Jeff Green for him. They could’ve gotten way more value trading him for a draft pick to a team like the Clippers.

  • First & Foremost

    Interesting Chicagorilla – Green for Kaman straight up?

    Seems fair to me.

  • http://www.geturweightup.com Chicagorilla


    Actually that would be a great trade for both sides.
    The Clippers have Aminu at SF and he’s not ready. Green would be the perfect fit next to Griffin with his versatility. If they got Kamans contract off the books, it would allow them to throw money at Green and re-sign D.Jordan to hold down the middle.
    OKC would have a sick lineup themselves with a true center who doesn’t have to be a star at all times, but you can go to him if need be.

    Pg – Westbrook
    SG – Harden
    SF – Durant
    PF – Ibaka
    C – Kaman

    PG – Mo Will
    SG – Eric Gordon
    sf – Jeff Green
    PF – Griffin
    C – DJ

    The salaries would have been a bit of a problem as Kaman makes more than Green, but I think OKC had some cap space last season. So OKC may have had to throw in another guy….Maybe Eric Maynor (they have Nate Rob as a back up too) to balance out the salaries.

  • First & Foremost

    I highly doubt OKC comes up off of Maynor for that trade. Nate Robinson would have been the one to go if it came to that. I could see Donald Sterling’s marketing plan already.
    Imagine an athletic pose or even a head/shoulders shot of:
    Robinson – Blake – Gordon

    Below each player would be the matching word
    Run – Jump – Shoot
    CLIPPERS 2011-2012
    Come See What We’re Good For!

    To top it off, it will be on a billboard that towers over a Bail Bonds office

  • chrisz46

    here’s a video of jj barea dunking he can dunk


  • Aaron

    nash dunked in that crappy nba tv commercial that showed him shooting around in college with the ‘kid from the future’ gimmick or whatever that was.

  • http://deleted dagwaller

    @Chicagorilla – great idea! Plus I think that everyone is on board with ideas that improve the Blakes. Nate Rob came over in the Boston trade, so they wouldn’t have him as a backup.

    @That’s What’s Up – nice list haha

    @F/F – totally agree that the Thunder wouldn’t trade away Eric Maynor. He’s the perfect foil to Russell Westbrook: he can control an offense.