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DimeBag / Jan 5, 2012 / 12:00 pm

DimeBag: The Weekly Dime Mailbag, Volume XV

DimeBag

DimeBag (design. Ryan Hurst)

HOW TO SUBMIT: E-mail dimebag@dimemag.com with your question/story/idea and include your name and hometown.

Ah, the perils of no training camp, a condensed schedule and disgruntled players. Let’s get to it.

Isaac, Tampa:

Rick Carlisle is making Lamar Odom get in better shape. My question is, why is he the only player that’s receiving such widespread public scrutiny. And what was he doing during the lockout anyway?

Keep in mind that Lamar Odom is 32 years old, has multiple deep playoff runs under his belt and, you know, he married a Kardashian. I’ve never seen their marriage on reality television, but I’m 98.7 percent sure that Khloe wears the pants. And the belt. And she probably beats him with it repeatedly. This is my own twisted theory, but everyone assumes David Stern killed the CP3 trade. Wrong. It was Khloe. Pretending to enjoy basketball was hard enough; she wasn’t going to fly back and forth to Dallas while grungy Texans threw their Cowboy hats at her. Point is, Odom had no time for himself during the lockout. The second she knew daily conditioning wasn’t vital, she zeroed in. LET’S GO SHOPPING. LET’S GO TO DINNER AND TALK UNTIL THE RESTAURANT CLOSES (You know, like real married couples do it!). COME TO YOGA WITH ME AND PRETEND IT SUFFICES FOR EXERCISE. Lamar never stood a chance.

When he marched into Mitch Kupchak‘s office demanding a trade, Kupchak’s tacit compliance shocked everyone, especially since he pawned Odom off for second round picks, literally the worst trade asset in all of basketball besides “a player to be named later.” But here’s what really happened. Odom sniffed an opportunity to take back control – the knowledge that he could walk into his Dallas apartment, watch TV, maybe drink a beer, go to the bathroom in peace, etc. So he went into Kupchak’s office, dropped to his knees in complete supplication, shed a tear or two and said, “Dude, my freedom is in your hands.” Kupchak knew. So he accepted the first deal on the table. It may have been a bad basketball trade, but it was the apex of man-code ethics. Then Kim went apartment shopping with him in Dallas and it all went to sh*t. At least he tried.

Anyway, about Odom’s lack of fitness: Give it a few weeks and he’ll be back in a groove. His greatest asset is his versatile skill set: He’s annoyingly crafty and talented, but not physically imposing. He’s not going to out-run or out-muscle you, so it shouldn’t take that long for him to get back to where he was. Once there, we can keep pretending that Dallas actually has a title shot.

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  • Celts Fan

    @Cal in Albany

    Wow, the Celts are revered not for their success, but because 3 HOFers (1 being in the top 20 ever, best PF of this generation not named Timmy, and no, Dirk is NOT IN THE SAME FREAKIN CONVERSATION just based on one INCREDIBLE playoff run. Last April, his legacy was still very much in doubt, now people wanna crown him as one of the top 3 PFs ever? Slow down.) they were willing to sacrifice their individual #s to win. It’s the same idea for the Heat, which, had LeBron not been so dumb about HOW he went about announcing it, would be getting the same kind of “unselfish” “they just want to win” love the Cs got. I never had an issue with Bron doing it, just the dbaggery that followed. Despite all the hate, the Heat and Celtics earlier just did what every fan says they want in their athletes. When they chase the money, we hate on them. When they team up w/ their superstar friends, we hate on them. They can’t win sometimes. Having said all that, F the Heat. Go Celtics!

    oh, and to say they “only won one title” really undervalues how hard that is. It’s really, really tough to win a title. Lots of crap has to break right. Hell, ask LeBron. A ring is a ring. 2 Finals appearences w/ 1 ring is a nice 4 yr run. No complaints. A dynasty would be nice, but anyone around here that’s disappointed by what’s happened needs to have their brain examined.

  • http://www.dimemag.com Dylan Murphy

    I think you guys should go discuss this over a beer. A seven shots.