Ranking the NBA from worst to first…
30. Charlotte Bobcats (3-26)
Last Week: 30, —
They haven’t won a game in what seems like ages, and have progressed to searching for moral victories. When your best player – going by PER – is D.J. Augustin (15.9), then you might as well throw in the towel. They have a chance to join the upper echelon of worst NBA teams ever.
29. New Jersey Nets (8-22)
LW: 23, -6
Never did I think I’d see the day this year where a team would lose back-to-back games to the bullet-less Pistons. But the Nets managed to do it. Now they’ve lost seven in a row, and Deron Williams is so pissed off he’s the only human being on the planet hating on Jeremy Lin. Deduct five points for that. That’s like hating on The Godfather or soft serve ice cream. We can’t have it.
28. New Orleans Hornets (6-23)
LW: 29, +1
Chris Kaman in his last five games: 18 points and 11 rebounds. Of course, he’s also barely shooting 40 percent. As a big man, you’d think he could shoot a little better than that. The Hornets have actually won two in a row, and their point differential (-5.5) isn’t nearly as bad as, say, Sacramento. Now if Eric Gordon would ever get healthy…
27. Washington Wizards (7-23)
LW: 27, —
The funnest, bad team to watch EVER. Even without Andray Blatche in there, this is like a bad mixed drink. One time in college when myself and a few friends were visiting Montreal, all we had to drink was some awful rum and grape juice. Mixed that up, suffered it down, and boom, we ended up having a great time in the best strip club in the city. And does anyone realize John Wall is starting to make jump shots (He’s shooting 50 percent in his last five games)?
26. Toronto Raptors (9-22)
LW: 22, -4
I’ll give them credit. Without Il Mago, they’ve at least been competitive. Losses by seven to the Spurs, three to Lisanity, two to the Lakers, OT to the Wiz and six to Miami. And that’s all this month.
25. Detroit Pistons (9-22)
LW: 28, +3
The Pistons actually won four games in a row recently. Too bad they beat Milwaukee, New Orleans and NJ twice. Out of everyone on their roster, I’m keeping Monroe, Stuckey, Knight, Jerebko and maybe Gordon. The rest should be packaged in a deal to bring back Proof from the dead.
24. Sacramento Kings (10-19)
LW: 26, +2
Even with all of that offensive talent, the Kings are worse royalty than Joffrey. They’re averaging 92.6 points a game (No. 22 in the NBA) and are dead last in field-goal percentage (barely above 40). If it wasn’t for DeMarcus Cousins using more of the good side of his ‘Sheed tendencies rather than the bad, we’d be talking about a complete train wreck. He’s averaging 11.3 rebounds in less than 30 minutes a night.
23. Phoenix Suns (12-18)
LW: 25, +2
The Suns somehow jumped two spots despite blowing a 15-point second half lead at home to Atlanta. Maybe it’s out of respect for Steve Nash, who sat out a game the other night just to show how terrible Phoenix is without him (They scored 92 points, lost and the fans had to suffer through Ronnie Price, Shannon Brown and a bunch of other jackers.).
22. Cleveland Cavaliers (11-16)
LW: 24, +2
Andy Varejao‘s injury couldn’t have come at a worse time for me. He was helping to anchor my fantasy team. By anchor I don’t mean putting up crazy numbers (He’s averaging 10.8 and 11.5 rebounds.). But he was solid, consistent and always there every night. Kinda like Cleveland. They’ll compete and play hard every night, and Alonzo Gee will have at least one ridiculous dunk per week.
21. Milwaukee Bucks (12-17)
LW: 15, -6
We love Brandon Jennings. After he was snubbed for the All-Star Game, he spewed off, saying he was going to play with a boulder-sized chip on his shoulder. Then after last night’s Courtney Love-ugly three-point loss to the Hornets, Jennings – who scored 18 but missed 14 shots – said he needed to play with more energy and had to decide if he really wanted it. Okay…