Ever since Brooklyn Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov agreed to pay over $100 million — not to mention another $80 million plus in estimated taxes — to construct a legitimate title-contending team with Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and others joining this offseason, they’ve been exchanging harsh words with other teams. So why not just antagonize every team in the NBA?
First, there was the battle over New York City. Pierce popped off, talking about the Nets “running New York,” and his still-growing hatred for the Knicks. J.R. Smith came back saying the Knicks would always be the “marquee team in New York.” Jason Terry got into the mix with perhaps the best line in the back-and-forth after being told about the Knicks’ title aspirations. Pierce wondered who J.R. Smith even was.
Before Miami and Brooklyn battled last night, LeBron James mentioned the hypocrisy he saw when Ray Allen was castigated by KG, Doc and Pierce for leaving Boston only to have all three leave a year later. Then, after Brooklyn beat up on Miami, KG sat down at the post game press conference and said, “”Tell LeBron to worry about Miami. He has nothing to do with Celtic business.” Pierce, for his part, informed LeBron he was traded to the Nets.
The Internet loves this stuff, but we doubt there’s any real animosity between any of these players; although, we don’t doubt for a second Pierce hates the Knicks. He convinced us of that in-person. That being said, who doesn’t like a little bitterness between foes?
Since the Nets already have a head start on exchanging largely surface aspersions on two other teams, we thought we’d go through the other 27 teams left, and see if we can start a feud with all of them. The Pierce/KG dynamic is one based on mutual respect for one another, but also the ability to mess with the head’s of other players. New Knicks forward Metta World Peace called Pierce the best trash talker in the league, and refused to elaborate beyond just repeating that Pierce is the best. KG has already riled up a supposedly matured Carmelo Anthony. So driving a wedge between the new Nets and the other NBA teams will be easy.
Basically, we’re just going to give the Nets a handy primer on things they can use to mess with the other teams.
Mention how much money Paul Millsap could be making. Obviously Kyle Korver‘s resemblance to a certain CBS sitcom star and Demi Moore-ex is rife for parody.
They wouldn’t dare, but if they did, it would be easy to just say Rajon Rondo is overrated at Connect Four. There’s also the usual “I’ve got sneakers older than you,” line about new head coach, Brad Stevens.
One dig about the petrie dish the Bulls locker-room became last postseason would be a good start. But since KG and Pierce used to play under Tom Thibodeau when he was an assistant coach with the Celtics, they’ve probably got a good handle on all his insecurities. Also, don’t say Derrick Rose lacks heart after sitting out last season.
Kyrie Irving is a young pup, so they’ll probably just beat up on him physically until he breaks. But there’s always Tristan Thompson‘s shooting form, or Andrew Bynum‘s salon stylist.