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NBA / Feb 21, 2014 / 12:30 pm

A Complete Guide To The NBA’s Worst Types Of Fans

Damian Lillard

Damian Lillard (photo. adidas)

Basketball fans are a large and proud nation. If you’re reading this article it’s because you’d rather be dabbling in some basketball related topic on Dimemag then toiling through your work day. I’m all too familiar with this type of procrastination; I’d rather chase down a current rumor, fire out another tweet, or read a column then come back to a reality where my mind isn’t focused on sports.

To the fans who feel the same, I’m not talking to you. I’m talking to the masses of ignorant fans who, through one fault or another, insult the game we love. I’m talking about the homers, bandwagon jumpers, eye testers, key board warriors, 2K traders, and uneducated loudmouths. I’ll run through them in a bit but if you know basketball it’s fairly obvious when one of these fools derails a good basketball conversation.

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The Uneducated Loudmouth:
Imagine, you’re at the local bar with your regular basketball watching crew. The Bulls are playing the Heat and your one buddy brings a plus one who hasn’t come out before. The Heat are up 20 points but for some reason when LeBron misses his second free throw late in the fourth quarter this plus one gets up and yells, “LeBron sucks, what a choke artist.” Now it becomes apparent this guy either knows nothing about basketball or is a LeBron hater. Either way you care about his guys “well” thought out opinion like you care about the list of chores your wife left you to do over the weekend.

The next game comes on and it’s the Lakers vs. the Clippers. Now this loudmouthed loony hasn’t watched basketball in years. He has no idea the Lakers are awful, that Kobe‘s hurt, that the Clippers have had a resurgence and actually matter. And yet as your friends shoot around some pregame predictions, this guy has the audacity to say, “Hell, the Clippers suck. Lakers win big, Kobe drops at least 40!” At this point you drown the rest of your beer and you look over at the weak link in your crew who brought this numb skull. In fairness Mr. Loudmouth is probably a really nice guy, I’m sure he and your buddy get along really well at the office–but the guys not a sports fan; he has no place amongst the hoop scholars.

The Exception:
This guy is a family member, dad, younger brother, cousin, or something of the like. He just wants to bond with you and so you tolerate the outbursts knowing they don’t care about the game but are only commenting in the hopes of bonding with you. In this case fill the rest of the guys in and if they’re true buddies, they’ll attempt to make this poor non-sports loving soul feel at home.

The 2K Traders:
Did the NBA 2K franchise bring hours of fun to the populace? Yes. Does the game provide a unique opportunity for fans to make the trades and signings they wish their favorite franchises would make in real life? Yes. Is the game realistic? No! It is not realistic. You can’t just trade players wherever you feel like it. Yes, if you’re a Knicks fan you might be able to trade Carmelo Anthony for LeBron James straight across in a video game but it will never happen in real life. You might be able to trade five no-name players for Anthony Davis in the game but again it’s not happening in reality.

Please, please, please, keep in mind three things when presenting a trade idea if you want to be taken seriously. Firstly, salary information. If player A makes $2 million, and player B makes $10 million they normally cannot be dealt in a one-for-one scenario. Secondly, consider age and potential. A young, up-and-coming superstar doesn’t get dealt for a veteran on his last legs. So, for instance, Paul George is never going to Brooklyn in exchange for Paul Pierce.

Finally, years of a contract matters. Carmelo Anthony, superstar or not–which is an entirely separate debate–won’t be dealt for a King’s ransom unless he agrees to re-sign. It’s impossible to fathom how people justify things to themselves, but for, real the NBA is not a video game, people.

Homers:
Look for these guys amongst the league’s most successful franchises; Bulls, Lakers, Celtics, more recently the Heat. These guys will never allow any player on their team to be slighted. In their personal rankings the best player on their team is always the best in the league. The best players in team history are almost always the “GOAT” (Greatest of All Time). There are only two things to do when confronted with a blatant homer.

1) Run, run as fast as you can in the opposite direction before you are charged with an assault felony.

2) Troll the hell out of him and try to find enjoyment through his irrational and illogical mutterings.

Notice I didn’t say, “Debate with him, attempt to change his mind, show him the errors of his ways.”

No, unfortunately none of these are possible. Extreme homers are beyond saving, they have an incurable disease and you don’t have the funding to properly attempt a vaccine.

Now there is also reverse homerism. These individuals are often called “haters” in the sports world. Instead of believing a player they are fond of is the best, they illogically believe a player they dislike is the worst. Every star player will have a few of these. Just as star players will have diehard supporters, they will have diehard critics.

More often than you think, you can find a certain individual showing both traits. Here is a guy who brings out the best in homerism as Lakers fan and the worst as a hater towards Carmelo Anthony. . . Hopefully Anthony goes to the Lakers this offseason.

Hit page 2 to hear the breakdown on “keyboard warriors”…

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  • Jose

    Which 2k are you playing?You cant even trade Melo for Kawhi leonard and James is untouchable.You cant get James for Durant AND Westbrook.Step your game up people.